Lapse
by Elementalist
Summary: Remus Lupin has just discovered that he is in love with his best friend, Sirius. How he wishes he could tell him...but, alas, cannot....He doesn't want to lose his only family after they showed him so much kindness.
1. Run away

Disclaimer: Yes, I don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters. (_Though, I wouldn't mind owning Remus and Sirius_) If I did, do you honestly think I'd be writing fanfictions?

* * *

Hogwarts Express steamed and lurched forward, surprising some first years but was mostly neglected by those who had ridden the scarlet train for years now. Remus was one of those people who had been surprised, as much as he'd hated to admit it. He just never quite got use to the sudden feeling of movement after sitting and waiting in a still silence. He always got to the train much before anyone else, for he had no family to delay him with kisses and parting wishes. During his first and second year, the young wizard-in-training would stare out at all the people with detest, silently cursing them for having such normal lives, for having such love. Remus Lupin was alone in the world, unless you counted his pack of unruly friends, which was in truth the closest thing he had to a family. 

They were with him now, chattering about what they had done over the summer break and what they planned to do this year for their big prank on their rival, Severus Snape.

"I think," started James Potter, the quote Leader of the Pack, as he ran a hand through his messy black mop of hair, "we should pull the biggest one yet! Like, make Snevillus's robes catch on fire in the middle of class!"

"Yeah!" Peter Pettigrew agreed, punching the air with a clenched fist.

"Mediocre, Prongs. How long have we been in school now? Five years! We've already set that git's robes on fire seven times; it's lost its luster. What we need to do is change something about him…that'll be hard to change back, but would be noticed by everyone at the school. Try to think of a prank like that." Sirius Black was the last to speak up, and the one who diminished James' happy attitude. Remus turned his attention back to the window for a moment, thinking about what Siri had said.

In an instant, he got the idea. Remus spun head back toward the group, a grin sliding into place. "I think I got something…"

Siri took it the worst of the gang. Peter and James just started, open-mouthed at the mere idea that Remus could indeed think of something mischievous, while Sirius clutched his heart in mock-surprise.

"Y-_you_! Coming up with a prank! What have you done with our Moony!" Siri grabbed Remus about the shoulders, and pulled him closer to him, scanning his face with steel-colored eyes. "Where are you Moony?" Siri cried out in a playful tone as he burst out in to a fit of laughter, hands still gripping his shoulders. Remus' breath hitched in his throat. He couldn't breath, couldn't speak. Siri had sparked something inside him that he had never felt before.

The werewolf shook and his body tensed under the soft touch of his friend. He shut his eyes to the bright blush spreading across his cheeks. What the hell was happing to him? What had Sirius unearthed? Furthermore, why was it Sirius whom had done it?

"Stop," he shirked, trying to push him away, "Let go of me!"

Immediately, Sirius let go and held his hands above his head. Panic and worry bleed in his steely eyes. "Wha--?"

"S-sorry…" Remus smiled softly, forcing the blush away and his body to stop its quaking. "It's just…Ya'know…" He trailed off, hoping Siri would pick up where the conversation was going.

Sirius nodded slowly, his eyes softening in their gaze. "No, I'm sorry. I should've been more careful…"

"It's nothing…don't worry about it…" Remus felt disgusted with himself for lying, but, he couldn't handle the feeling that was ignited for much longer. He did have to breathe to live last time he checked.

James and Peter frowned, leaning forward a bit in their seats. Prongs was the one to ask what was on the other Marauders minds.

"Bad moon phases this summer, Moony?" He inquired quietly, as if he was afraid neighboring compartments would hear.

The werewolf lowered his gaze to the floor, then out the window at the foliage that was whizzing by in a green blur. Talking about his transformations wasn't one of his favorite conversation topics. If he could, he wouldn't have answered, but he feared they would grow angry with him for keeping silent.

"Yeah…had some bad ones." He faced his friends (his family) once again, smiling to mask his pain. "But, nothing I haven't went through before. No worries."

_No worries_. Remus always said that, like his catch phrase. Nevertheless, it was true. He didn't want his friends to worry on his behalf. He wasn't worth it. Never was he worth anything more than pain. Truthfully, Remus didn't believe he deserved the friends he had now…one's that showed him so much love…even after they found out about his condition. They even studied and learnt advance magic that allowed them to spend the full moons with him, so he no longer had to spend nights alone, locked away in the Shrieking Shack, literally tearing himself apart with his claws and fangs. Remus felt that he was in his friends' debt, for nothing would compare to them easing his loneliness.

The group didn't speak again until they reached Hogwarts, during this time; Remus was beside himself with guilt. He shouldn't have lied…He had caused his friends to worry. Other than that, he tried to pinpoint what that feeling was…the feeling that warm his bones and dulled the aches and pains. Just what was it?

* * *

"_Foooooood!_" Siri cried as the traditional welcome-back feast began. Magically the food melted up from the silver plates, as if on cue to Siri's cry. There was a clatter of forks and knifes, each student eating their fill while chattering happily. Deluding the fact that his own stomach was growling with an undying hunger, Remus refused to eat. Guilt seemed to have laced his gut, making him fear any morsel that passed his lips would come up again later on. He was never one to like lying. Especially to the rest of the Marauders. 

This only caused them to worry more, thus causing the guilt to multiply. He shouldn't have lied…he should've just ignored the feeling. Seriously, it was just a feeling…it wasn't going to kill him. Still, just thinking about Sirius' hands clutching his shoulders, drawling him closer to his body, made Remus shiver.

"Rem? You kay? You haven't touched your food…at all." James looked at him miserably.

Peter shoved another fork full of food into his mouth before turning to look at the werewolf, blue eyes shinning with worry for his friend. Sirius turned to him, too, his eyes showing signs of guilt. He reached out to pat him on the back, but froze mid-way. The dog-animagus didn't want to hurt his friend anymore than he had already.

The werewolf smiled, his amber eyes closing to hide his shame. "I'm fine…," he said softly, "Just not hungry, is all. No wor--"

"If you say that damn 'no worries' line again, I'm going to punch you, Rem." Siri growled. "If there's something wrong, you can tell us. We will try to help you fix it…" He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to help emphasize his point. James and Wormtail nodded, they too were there for him, whatever the ailment, whenever the time, wherever the place. The Marauders stuck together, _always_. They were a pack, they were _his _pack. His family.

Still, he couldn't tell them about the feeling he had earlier on the train; the same odd sensation he was having now. When Siri touched him, he sensed warmth, happiness, joy, want, desire, need, love….

_Love._

Was that what the feeling was…_love_? Remus had never felt…loved before, so it would explain why he couldn't categorize it sooner. But, that was rubbish. Why would he love Siri? _How _could he love his best friend? Then, the thought hit him as he shifted from Siri's hand.

He was gay. He was not only a werewolf, but now he was _gay_.

_Great_, he thought as he bowed his head and turned from his friends, _I'm a gay werewolf. What will they think of me now…Surely they'll turn they're backs on me, neglect that I ever existed…God, why did you make me such a freak? Is it condemnation for the sins I have done? For sins I will do? I'm truly that…that damned…Left to want something I cannot have. Unless…I want my family to desert me…Oh Sirius…_

"Rem…" James snapped his fingers in front of the werewolf's face. "You in there, Moony?"

"Oh…yes. I'm sorry." Rem laughed softly. "Just thinking about the prank you want to pull on Snape."

"Hey! You never told us your idea!" Peter piped up, another fork-full of food in his mouth.

Siri nodded, his eyes dancing. "What is it, 'O great Moony? It must be grand coming from your mind!"

Rem smiled at that. A genuine smile, not a fake one he forced into place to fool the others. It was true, what they had said earlier, Remus Lupin was not one to make up pranks. Once in the fairly rare blue moon did he dare to cite his plans.

"Well…," he said, smile twisting into a grin, "You dye his hair a sickly bright color (I myself would go with crimson--for Gryffindor, of course) then make it so he couldn't change it back with magic."

The other Maunders looked as if Remus had slapped them all in the face. Laughing softly, he rubbed a spot on his head, trying to look innocent again. Maybe…he had said something wrong? Or, mayhap his idea was mediocre too.

"That…is…_brilliant!_" Padfoot cried as he threw his arms around his friend, delighted with the fact that they now had a prank to pull on their rival. "You rule, Moony! This'll be a great one!"

Remus didn't speak. His face was bright pink, and his body trembled. _Let go…let go, let go, let go …Sirius…let go!_

But, Sirius didn't let go, far from it. His embrace grew tighter for a brief second, and Rem heard him mumble something.

"Ya'know…you smell nice, Rem."

That was it that last feeble straw the werewolf had. His blush burnt his face a horrid, noticeable scarlet. Just what had Siri meant by 'you smell nice, Rem.'? Mayhap, since Sirius' senses were heightened due to his dog counterpart, he could actually _smell_ his scent. But, why did he…he….Did Sirius feel the same about him?

Remus stood suddenly, the thoughts being just about as bad as the physical contact with his best friend. Sirius fell forward, slamming his face on the bench.

"_OUCH_!" He shoot his head back up, to cast a nasty 'what the hell' glare at Rem, but he was already making his way out the Great Hall.

Remus stormed out of there without an explanation or even a spoken word, all eyes watching as he threw open the massive doors. They couldn't have known what was going on, just like the rest of the Marauders, who looked the most flabbergasted.

Soberly, Sirius broke the haunting, dead silence that had fallen over them all. "Did…did I do something wrong?"

* * *

This is my first Siri/Rem fic, so be gentle. I know it's not the best, and it may seem that I don't have a plot, but I'm getting to it. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I had writing it! (Even thought it tis horrible, I had fun) 

Review please! They make me feel all happy inside :grins:

--Ele.


	2. Scent

Though everything was packed neatly in his trunk that rested at the foot of his four-poster bed, Remus felt the need to take everything out and refold all of it to perfection. Raising the lid up, he began to throw robes, books, quills, and other things he had gotten weeks earlier in Diagon Alley onto the bed, making sure nothing remained inside. When it was emptied a few minutes after, he was hit with the sudden urge to fold his own body into the trunk, shut the lid down and pray no one dared look there. He now realized he couldn't face anyone after his stunt, _especially_ Sirius. What did Siri think of him now, after he, moments ago, fled from his embrace? All the pairs of eyes watching him were ignored while he left, but now, in the safe silence of the room, he could feel them burning into his back like acid. Every single person, the professors included, would now think he was insane. Bursting out of the Great Hall like that…

'_Ya'know…you smell nice, Rem.' _

Remus picked up a book--a thick, leather-bound volume of _Predicting Outcomes and Deciphering Omens_--and threw it into the empty trunk with all the force he could muster. Self-hate pumped through his veins and his amber eyes shone with disgust. How great of a fool was he? Why hadn't he just calmly told Sirius to let him go, or push him away? Did he have to make himself the jest in front of _the entire school_!

In his sudden outburst of anger, Remus decided that he no longer cared how neatly his clothes were folded or how nice the hollowed trunk looked--it all didn't matter anymore. All he wanted was to sleep, which he couldn't do with his school stuff scattered about. The werewolf pulled his wand out from his school robes and tapped his trunk three times with the wand's tip. Instantly, schoolbooks, quills, black robes, a small sack (filled with candy Sirius had bought him earlier on the train), and the rest of the stuff that littered his bed shot untidily into the trunk. As soon as his trunk filled and his bed was clean once more, he flicked his wand again, this time resulting in the lid falling closed with a small '_thump_'.

As he lay down, he found his mind wondered back to what he had done and what Sirius had said…not to mention how warm Sirius was.

"Remus, stop thinking about it! It's bad enough you just fled…you don't need to--DAMNIT! Now I'm talking to myself!" Remus buried his head under the pillows, trying to drive the thoughts from his mind.

No luck.

Sirius was all he could think about. The boy was haunting him; Sirius' image was stamped vividly behind his eyelids. Soft, black hair that cascaded to his shoulders, shining grey eyes that peered, unseeingly, back. Remus wanted to reach out, trace that face with soft caresses, without it pulling away in disdain.

_It's only a dream…It will never happen…_

'_Ya'know…you smell nice, Rem.' _

Maybe it's not just a dream….but a distant reality? No, the werewolf shook his head. That would never happen…Never.

After what felt like minutes (how long it was, Remus didn't know, it could've been hours, or truly only minutes) the faded sound of footsteps and the murmur of voices bleed from under his door. They had come to see what was wrong.

"I dunno you guys…" Peter voice squeaked out. "Maybe we should leave him alone…he might be ill…"

"Mmmm…even if that's so, Pete, Rem is our friend. We need to check to see that he _is _alright." James said, a hint of annoyance lacing his words.

"I kind of agree with Wormtail…Rem might just want to be alone…or something…" Remus' heart thumped harder against his ribs, to the point that it was painful. Lately, this was one of the effects the other boy caused him, aside ghostly images floating under his eyelids and urges to get up to flee the Great Hall…

"Aww, Siri. You can't agree with Wormtail! Don't you care about Rem at all? Or, are you the type of stray that loves only the person who feeds 'im?"

"Hey, ouch. First off, I'm not a stray, and refrain from calling me one, _thank you_. Secondly, I _do _care for Moony, I just feel that we should leave him be for now…"

Remus heard James snort. "Yeah, right. You're just saying that 'cause you don't want to face him."

"The hell are you gawking about? I didn't do anything to--"

"Actually," Pete piped in quietly, "It was after you flung yourself on him that he ran off…"

"Thank you, Wormtail! Clear that up with us, won't you Sirius? What in Merlin's name did you say to him to make him leave like that?"

There was a pause before he answered. "I didn't say anything…"

"Liar." Both Peter and James threw at him.

"I'm not lying!"

_Yes, you are…_Remus thought to himself, shifting a bit under the covers.

"Uh-huh, right. We'll just ask Moony, he'll tell us the truth."

As the footsteps drew near, Rem's heart raced and his stomach gave a lurch. God, he didn't want them to see him…not now. He curled into a tight ball, trying to make it look like he was asleep. Maybe they wouldn't ask him questions if they thought he was out…

Sooner than Remus had hoped, the footsteps paused and his door clicked open. A great sigh escaped one of them--if he had to guess, it was Siri's, but he wasn't sure.

"See? He's _asleep_!" Sirius hissed, venom dripping from every word.

"Well…damn…" James mumbled. "We'll just wake him up!"

Remus tensed. That wasn't what he expected, wasn't what he hoped. He would rather them leave him alone and ask questions in the morning -- if he had to chose a time. Then again, when did the sleeping man have a say in anything, hm?

Sirius let out a soft snarl; Remus could just picture Sirius' lip curling as he bared his teeth. "We _are not _going to wake him."

"Chicken." James mocked; the werewolf could clearly see his other friend's smirk as the mockery went further than words.

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am--"

"Guys….you're gonna wake up Remus…."

Gonna? Hell, with the racket they were making, they could wake up the dead, let alone a sleeping boy. Ah, but, then again, when did that or little Wormtail stop them?

"Shut up! We are not," James said coolly, "'Sides, Rem sleeps like a rock."

"Wrong. Rem is a light sleeper," Sirius corrected.

"How would you know? You trying to sneak into his bed at night to snog?"

The werewolf's face burnt as a dark blush rose in his cheeks. He added a mental 'thanks' to James for suggesting that, for now, he could see Sirius sneaking to his bed in the middle of the night, eager for hot, sloppy kisses….Before he could help himself, Remus gasped. The thought of kissing Sirius had crossed his mind before, but now that James brought it up…the daydreams seemed bolder.

_Lips locked; hands searching, feeling, touching, absorbing warmth. Their bodies as close as they could make them, still shifting to try to get closer. Heat, all they can feel is heat, but they are shaking against each other. The kisses grew deeper, more passionate as they continue. _

_Soon, the fire dies and they are left in darkness. That doesn't stop them; they don't notice at all, too engrossed in the other to take notice of anything. All that matters is them…_

A small squeak floated from between the werewolf's quivering lips as he stomach did a summersault. He didn't have to have his eyes open to know his friends were staring at him, they had heard him loud and clear. For once, the fact that they were his closest friends made him sick. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"Rem?"

Remus sighed and sat up, running a hand through his tasseled sandy hair. Opening his mouth to reply he found his voice had fled long before. Another sigh swept from his throat as bit his bottom lip. What was there to say? _What _could he say…?

"You okay, mate?" James took a seat beside him, his face adorning the look of a worried mother. Slowly, he raised his hand, half-expecting Remus to flinch away. The sandy-haired boy just sat there, allowing him to place the back of his (cold) hand against his (warm) forehead. "You got a fever….You sick?"

Fever? Amber orbs blinked a few times, their owner trying to understand. No, he wasn't sick…the blush maybe? That would draw heat to his face…wouldn't it? After a moment he just gave up, and shook his head; sandy hair growing more unruly. "No, I'm fine," he half-lied.

"You sure," squeaked Peter, whom dared to shift closer.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. _Honestly_!" He pried James hand from his forehead, casting glances at everyone in the room. They all looked worried, well, Peter and James did. With his black brows knitted together, forehead creased with winkles, gleaming gray eyes slightly narrowed, one could get the impression the young Black boy was worried. Remus, on the other hand, along with the other Marauders, knew that this wasn't a look of concern but one of an annoyed nature. Clearly, he wasn't happy about something.

The werewolf knew exactly what this was…

"Well, if you're sure you're alright…." James' expression change dramatically. All at once the kind, motherly face melted away, only to be replaced by the mischief filled one that he usual had on. "Now, you wouldn't mind answering a question for us, would you, dearest Moony?"

Remus opened his mouth, slightly taken back by the sudden switch in personalities, but decided to humor him anyway. However, James didn't really care if he agreed to it or not, and continued talking.

"What did high 'n mighty Padfoot say to you, hm? Since, you know, you're not sick, he had to be the one who caused you to run out of the Great Hall like that. What did our dear Padfoot say to our innocent Moony? Something that tainted your virgin ears, no doubt?"

He was at a loss for words again. Damn, how he hated not being able to speak what was on his mind…it would make life a lot easier on him….Well, maybe…

Then again, the way the scenarios played in his head, nothing would turn out right. Sirius would leer at him with those crystal gray orbs he had for eyes and turn away from the younger boy, muttering his disdain for him. After the final breath of hatred passed from his lips, Remus would collapse, screaming at him to please understand that it wasn't something he could change, and that he, Remus, did love him. Apparently, his words would have no effect on Sirius, as he would continue to walk away from what was left of the boy formally known as Remus. And, he wouldn't even flinch or merely acknowledge the pleading and apologizing cries that echoed down the corridor after him.

_Yes_, Remus thought, only smiling in response to James' earlier question, _some things are indeed…better left unsaid…_

* * *

**AseretKitsune:** Aww, shucks. :grins: You make me feel happy, thank you. I'm glad you like my style, since, you know, I didn't really think I had one. Now I know! Wheeet! And, no, I don't mind you adding this to your C2, in fact, that makes me all the happier! Thanks! Hope you enjoyed this chapter too. 

**TempestWindHollow: **Yes! Yay for Sirius x Remus!

**ScarredPast: **Thank you, I tried to capture his adorableness…though, mind you, he's just as cute without my help! Dunno if this was fast enough…Sorry if it wasn't; Yay if it was.

**SeverusDaughter: **Ah! Thanks, my friend:smiles: If you weren't working on so many fan fictions/stories, I would suggest you to write a Rem/Siri ficcy, too! 'Cause, indeed, they do rule in the pairingness!

**T.Felton: **I do suck with grammar, sorry, sorry. I'm trying, though! Thanks for reviewing, hope you enjoy this chapter too!

**Moonglitter2: **I did continue! And, aww…I hope it does become a fantastic story. I shall try to make it one! Thanks for your review!


	3. Run away again

It was an hour later before Sirius, James, and Peter ceased their questioning. Remus was grateful, for if they had asked him once more he was afraid he'd spill everything. He was never one to lie if he could help it, only when it was necessary to keep the friendship burning. If he would have had it his way, James, Sirius and Peter would never have found out about his 'furry, little problem'. And they would never find out about his infatuation with Sirius. At least, that's what it should be called…it wasn't a crush, yet it wasn't just yet an obsession. Infatuation sounded just fine in his mind.

The other boys were apparently exhausted by the trip back, for they all dropped down on their beds, fully dressed, and fell asleep not five minutes later. Remus, however, was not as lucky. He lie there for what felt like hours, listening to the soft, even breathing and occasional creak coming from the other beds. More than once, he heard Sirius mumble "Sorry, Rem…" before shifting and letting out a gentle snore. Each time that would happen, Remus' stomach would flutter, and the butterflies inside would explode in a wave of heat.

Sooner than Remus had expected, the sun rose, casting rays of gray light into the dormitory. Finding this light as an ally, the werewolf slid out of bed soundlessly, hoping to get dressed and out of there before anyone else woke up. With the softest of flutters, he changed into his school robes, cursing mentally at the wrinkles twisted into the fabric. He really should've packed it in right…

After making sure the others still slept on--spending extra time looking at Sirius in particular, what he didn't know wouldn't kill Remus in the near future--and that he had his clothes on correctly, Remus opened the door that led to his escape. _Yes! I'm almost out of here! They won't wake up and I won't have to answer the questions I know they are going to ask… _

He really shouldn't get his hopes up either…for, just after Remus rejoiced in his mind, the door he was pulling open creaked loudly. Freezing at the sudden sound, he shoot a worried glace behind him, he found his fears came to life. Sirius was sitting up, squinting at him through the dim light.

"Rem? Tha you?" Remus couldn't help but crack a smile. Sirius was never a morning person, and he usually sounded drunk if awoken before seven a.m. Judging by the sun, Remus reasoned it was about five something.

"Yes, did I wake you? I'm sorry."

"Nah…tis al'ight," yawning widely, he fell back against the mountain of pillows behind him, "Come 'ere, wouldja?"

Remus, still frozen in that same spot, found this hard to do. Well, that and the reason he was worried about what Sirius wanted with him. A wave of fresh shock hit him. Did he notice the extra long look he had given him earlier? Remus sworn he was asleep though…

"Well? You comin' or not?" Sirius held his hand out, as if it would help pull Remus toward him.

"Yes…of course." Remus let go of the door and walked over to his friend. Once there, Sirius patted the mattress, inviting him to sit down. Remus sat, hands going automatically to entangle themselves in his already wrinkled robes. The butterflies had been brought back from the dead, and they now fluttered angrily in his gut.

Sirius seemed to take no mind of the werewolf's nervous actions, and just smiled at him as he placed a hand on top one of his paler ones. "Whereya goin' so early in the morning', Rem? Tis barely the crack 'o dawn…" Sirius let out another wide yawn.

Remus wanted so badly to snatch his hand away, to walk out of that room and not look back, but he was a coward.

"Ah, just down to the common room to read," he lied, smiling.

"Liar. You wanted to get away from us…"

Remus tensed. Damn Padfoot and his ways of reading people. He should've known that Sirius would pick up on his antic behavior sooner than the others. But, Remus had just wanted to get away…he didn't actually think about _this _little diversion.

"I'm not, Padfoot…And why would I want to get away from you?"

Sirius blinked his gray eyes, for the first time that morning he looked fully awake. Trademark to the Black name, Sirius had gained the sterling locks of black hair and purest sliver irises, irises that were, right now, boring into Remus' gold ones.

"Where's your book then?"

_Damn! _Remus hadn't thought about that part, reasoning lying through his teeth would save his ass. Sirius had found the one thing to make his story bleed its faultiness.

"Um…well…"

"That's what I thought…and 'sides, I said you wanted to get away from _us _not just _me_." Sirius smirked, tilting his head back a bit so those beautiful black locks fell over his eyes. Remus inhaled deeply to calm his nerves, only to find Sirius' scent dominating his nose. It was enough to make anyone tackle him on the spot and snog him for hours on end. At least, that's what Remus thought, and he was, after all, probably the only one who could smell it….

Once again, Sirius had found a fault in his twist of lies and pointed it out, all the while maintaining his prefect innocence. Remus envied this ability as he tried desperately to think of an excuse for his slip up. Sadly, he was groggy and lying was never one of his strong suits anyway.

"I…um…"

Sirius merely continued to smile. He knew the werewolf wouldn't, and possibly _couldn't_, think of an excuse for this. "Check mate. I win."

Remus heaved a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "I suppose so…"

"Now," Sirius spoke in hushed tones, his voice laced with curiosity, "will you tell me, just _me_, why you ran out of the Great Hall last night? Was it me…?"

He couldn't think of an answer. What could he say to that? 'Yes, you were. But don't be upset, I only ran away because I have this monster crush on you…' He could say that, sure, if he wanted Sirius to hate him for the rest of eternity. Silence was his best option.

Minutes passed in this silence, neither Remus nor Sirius spoke. The only sound was breathing, slow and even, coming from Peter and James. This caused him to wonder, was he even breathing at all. It was only after Sirius ran his thumb over his knuckles, did he gasp, relieving the pain he had in his chest. He had indeed held his breath…unconsciously.

"Well? Was it," Sirius inquired again, his voice taking on a more worried tone.

Still Remus wouldn't answer, in fact, all his attention was drawn to the thumb continuously running back and forth across his knuckles. Was it a friendly gesture or one of a more loving nature? Again, Remus' heart sped beneath his breast, hammering against his rib cage with such force it hurt.

A subtle blush began to rise to his cheeks, and he knew if Sirius continued this action he'd spill. Everything from even the darkest parts of his mind would spill forth from his lips, without a second thought.

"Sirius…stop…"

Sirius blinked, confused. "What? Stop what?"

Remus snapped. He recoiled from his friend, shoving both hands into his pockets as he did so. "Nothing. I'm…" He couldn't even find the words to complete his sentence. The blush was now noticeable, but Sirius didn't have time to take it into consideration for Remus spun on his heel and fled the room. Just as he had done the night before. The only difference was that hundreds of eyes weren't watching him, only a confused Sirius and the ghosts of James and Peter's presences.

* * *

Yay! I updated! Tisn't as long as the other chappies, sorry! I just reeeeeeeally wanted to post this up. Well, I hope you guys liked it! 

**Totally Raven: **Aww, thanks! Hope you liked this chappy, too!

**T.Felton: **Yes, go Remus x Sirius! And YAY! My grammar is better! Whoot!

**Voodoopriestess: **Yessssssssssssss! Two thumbs up! Wheet!

**Moonglitter2: **Yeah, only Sirius wanted to leave 'im be. But, not in this chappy! Tee-hee, I'm so mean! And thanks, I do try.

**Wolfgirl99: **O.O Would it be wrong to say that I love you? You're so nice to me! And such a long review ta boot! Thanky from the bottom of my tiny heart! Enjoy!

--Ele.


	4. Confession to deaf ears

_It hurts…Why…why did I have to run then? Now he'll know; he's got to have noticed now. Sirius isn't blind or stupid…no…he'll confront me about it soon. He hates me, I know it. God, Remus, why the hell…why in the hell did you fall in love with your best friend!_

Remus tore down into the common room, knowing that he had to get out of there before Sirius decided to follow him. But, deep down in the forbidden part of his heart, there screamed a voice, scolding him from running away and for not facing his feelings. Ignoring the voice and the pain shooting from his lungs and heart, he existed through the common door porthole without a second glace.

* * *

Meanwhile, Sirius sat in his bed, staring at the door. He didn't move nor even blinked, just starred. The sun was casting crisper, brighter colors in the room now. The gloomy gray light turned to a happy gold that reminded the raven-haired boy of the golden orbs he was looking into earlier.

"Remus…," he said aloud, not meaning to.

"What did you do now, Padfoot?" James shifted in his bed, turning so he could face his friend. Yawning widely, he groped the bedside table for his glasses. "Well?"

Sirius sighed as he folded his arms behind his head. He wondered just how long James had been awake. Knowing him as well as he did, Sirius suspected he had awoken long ago…

"I didn't do a damn thing, Prongs. So, stop askin' me."

James, whom had found and put on his glasses, moved to the end of his bed so he could see Sirius better in the still dim light. "Oh? Really? And I bet the next thing you're going to tell me is this is all a dream." The unruly haired boy lifted up his arms, waving them madly to emphasize his point. "Yes, this is _all a dream!_ And what's going to happen next? Hm… I'm going to grow an extra head and another limb. Is that all? _Nooooooo_! If this is a dream…theeeeeeen…then I'll find a million Galleons under my pillow!"

Sirius watched as James lifted up his pillow with an expression of half-belief. Of course, there was not a single gold coin under the pillow, hell, there wasn't _anything _under his pillow.

"Ha! There! It's not a dream, so spill, Padfoot! What did you do to our loveable Remus this time?"

"Nothing! I don't do anything to him…" _At least…I don't think I did…_he added mentally.

James rolled his eyes. "What did you do, snog him?"

Blushing madly, Sirius looked away. "N-no!"

"Ah! But we all know you want to! Come on, Siri, you gotta tell him someday! These hint-full gestures aren't getting through to him! You're only causing him to run away!"

"Well, sorry! I can't help it…"

James sighed, "Look, I know how much you care for Rem, how much you love him. But, honestly, you got to tell him how you feel."

"I can't, James…"

"Yes you can."

"No, I can't."

"Yes you can"

"No, I can't."

"Yes you can"

"No, I can't!"

"Yes! You can!"

"No, damnit! I can't!"

"Yes! You! Can! Sirius, what if Rem likes you, too? Then, you will have spent all this time sitting here, worrying over it for no reason at all!"

Sirius clenched a handful of the crimson sheets, his silver eyes darting over the cracks in the wall, on the floor, anywhere but his friend's face. "But…what if he's running away because he _knows _I like him?"

"Wha--?"

"Listen, we all know Remus is brilliant. He helps even _us _with our homework. He's got to have noticed by now…And, if he has, then he's running away from me because I disgust him. James…" Sirius finally turned to his friend, his eyes pleading. "I can't live with Remus hating me. You know that…"

An awkward silence followed for James couldn't find the will to form words onto his tongue. Sirius words hung thick in the air, and for the next couple of minutes that passed, they were the only thing the two could think about.

Finally, James managed to reply.

"Yeah…I know, I know. But, I also want what's best for my friends. There's gotta be some way we can get Remus to confess if he likes or dislikes you in the romantic fashion. Wait! I got it!"

Sirius blinked. "Whaa?"

"I'll ask him!"

The raven-haired boy shot up from his bed. "Excuse me! No! No, no, no, no, no, no!"

"And why not?"

"Because! Then he'll know, James! Then he'll _know_!"

"You're blowing this outa proportion, Siri. I'll just ask him if he's gay."

Sirius slapped his forehead. "Yes, waltz right up to him and ask him that. I can just picture the hurt look on his face."

"He won't be hurt…if anything he'll laugh about it. Tell me I'm stupid if it wasn't true."

"I'm sure, completely and totally sure. Just forget about it, Prongs. I know already he doesn't love me…so, let's just drop it."

* * *

Eh-heh, don't hate me! Anyway, peeps kept askin' if Sirius like Rem or not, so here's your answer. Now, don't expect fast updates like this, this was pretty much a one shot deal here. /grins/ I'll get to workin' on the next chappy soon. Please review! I love you guys!

No replyin' to review tonight, I'ma too lazy. Forgiveness.

--Ele.


	5. Run away once more

Throughout the entire day, Remus had a bitter taste in the back of his throat and felt the powerful urge to vomit. At first he thought he was coming down with something--the flu _was _rumored to be stalking the halls at Hogwarts, already had it caught fifteen students and two teachers--but he dismissed that idea. For, even though Remus transformed under the light of the full moon, having most of his life sapped from him each month, Remus Lupin was not one to get sick often. There were cases, sure, like the one year he had the _stomach flu_; a year, which, he would rather forget. It was his first year at school (Hogwarts, not the Muggle schools he supposed his parents once sent him to), the very year he was alone. Remus struggled through a difficult time, going to classes, doing work--that never bothered him…it was that he was by himself, lacking friends, that's what stung the most. Being cursed only helped add a bit more pain and bloodshed he was too chicken to do to himself. Remus J. Lupin just wanted to die. He held on to that desire until he finally met James and his little group of followers. They were the ones that made dear little Remus hold onto the life he was ready to toss aside.

No, Remus wasn't ill (physically, anyway. His mental state was still in question.), he was just _over_-reacting to this mornings episode of _My Life as a **Gay Werewolf **named Remus John Lupin who is in love with his best friend, Sirius Black. _(Title is still in the work; he added as an afterthought.) That had to be it. Or…maybe he did have the flu?

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus!"

The werewolf froze, whispering to the stone as if it could help him. "Not her…not now…"

However, the stone didn't cave, didn't crack a large enough chunk to knock her out…hell, it didn't do a damn thing. Except laugh at the irony of it all. Yes, the stone was laughing at him, he would bet his left big toe on it.

"Hello Miss Manson. How are you?"

The girl stopped a few feet in front of him, pouting slightly. Her hands were shoved in her robes--most likely fiddling with her wand or a loose thread--and a bright blush danced merrily across her normally paler cheeks.

"Re--_mus_! Stop with that 'Miss Manson' crap! My _name _is Rachel!"

Remus forced a laugh. As if he _didn't _know her name… "Yes, yes. But, is it now illegal to be polite?"

"It's not, but don't be…Anyway, he Reeeemuuuuus. I have a question…"

_And I know exactly what it is…_

His lips twitched, the smile bleeding into a frown for a spilt second. "And what's that, Miss Ma--um…Rachel?" _Here is comes…_

For the past three years, this girl has asked him the same question, every single day. 'Has Sirius told you his answer yet?' You see, dear readers, Rachel Manson was overly obsessed with our poor Sirius. Over the last three years, she had told him she loved him a counted--by Remus, of course-- 37,982 times and asked him out every three days. She was a stalker…no, that would be too kind a world. More like a potential molester and rapist. Maybe even worse than that…

Sirius did not like the girl (for good reason…), hated her to the point of loathing. But, he had a rep. to grasp on to…So, every time Rachel would scream ever-so loudly at the top of her Sirius obsessed lungs 'I LOVE YOU, SIRIUS BLACK!' he would smile at her and wave, then run away like hell was licking at his boots. Rachel thought this was a telltale sign of his undying love for her….

Remus, on the other hand, viewed this girl as a threat--someone who would steal Sirius under the cloak of darkness. It's the reason he hated the girl so much; she _was _nice…you just had to have super X-ray vision to see under the thick layer of Love for Sirius.

"Has Sirius told you his answer yet?" she asked…as freaking always.

Remus felt his lips twitch again, and felt something else…down in his heart, throbbing for attention. An urge…that's what it was… An urge to rip out this girl's throat out.

…

……

…….

Yes, that even surprised Remus.

_Something's wrong…never have I wanted to harm anyone…Especially kill them….She's a nice girl….annoying and a threat to my slim chance of happiness, yes, but okay… Maybe…maybe it was the wolf thinking? Or do I really wish to take her life over a boy whom probably…no…whom doesn't even love me?_

"No, I'm sorry, Rachel. I haven't been talking to him lately."

"WHAT! Why not!"

Other students, who were lounging about, enjoying the teasing breeze on their weekend off, turned to look at them. Remus held his hand up, waving them, trying to make it seem her cry of anguish was a mistake. That, he had a slight fear that she was going to attack him…or _eat _him…

"Um…" Damn! What a time for his mind to go completely…and totally…B.L.A.N.K.

"What's wrong? Did you guys fight? Why? Was there even a fight? Did I miss it? Is Sirius hurt! Are _you _hurt? Was he thinking of me during the fight? Was he even hitting you? Are you sure you don't have his answer? Wait, does he have a girlfriend? Do _you _have a girlfriend? OHMIGOD! Is _he gay_!" Her lavender eyes bulged as she grabbed Remus by the collar and proceeded to shake him.

"IS SIRIUS _GAY_!"

_Dunno…is he? _Now Remus wanted to know. Countless times he hoped that very statement to be true and that Sirius loved him…Maybe it wasn't a wish…but a hard and true fact? All he knew was that his lungs were now painfully empty.

"I-I-I can't breathe!"

Instantly, as if burned by the contact, Rachel let him go, watching him in silence as he fell the ground with a painful 'THUD'

"S-sorry…," she spoke timidly, her voice shook, laced with tears and fear. "I-I…" She didn't finish, only turned on her heel, her back toward him and fled the entire scene. Remus stared after her, feeling a flower of guilt blossom in his chest. He hated seeing people upset…even the threats.

Time passed slowly throughout the day. Since it was Saturday and classes were out, Remus decided just to sit where he was so disdainfully dropped. He reasoned he'd go in for lunch, maybe dinner depending on his mood, then to the common room to either sleep the day away or burry his nose in a book.

It was a perfect plan that only needed a bit of time to play out in. Without school being in session, his chances of meeting up with Sirius would be slim. He rather not have to explain--or ever remember--what had transpired.

"Yo! There you are, Rem!"

_Nevermind…the perfect plan had been shot. Seems I won't be alone after all. Ah, well…_

Remus looked up, greeted by his friend's smiling face. "Hey James."

_Odd….where's Padfoot and Wormtail? James is never without his loyal groupies…Guess I should just be thankful…_

His messy haired friend plopped down beside him. "'Sup?"

"Nothing really. Just thinking."

"Always like you, Rem." James smile widened. "Think too much and you'll think yourself to an early grave."

Remus chuckled. "Guess you don't have to fear that, now do you?"

James clutched his heart. "Ouch, that one burnt deep, Remus. Thanks. I can _sooo _feel the love." Remus smiled, James always seemed to cheer him up. "Ah, jokes aside, my friend, it's time for the matter of the all important business."

"Okay?"

"I have a question, and answer truthfully."

As Remus nodded a blend of fear and curiosity exploded in his stomach. James took no mind and continued. "Do you like someone? And by 'like' I mean 'love." _And by someone, I mean Sirius, _James said to himself.

Fear swept over his body, chilling him to the bone. How much did James know? What…what if he knew the truth? What if James knew he was in love with Sirius?

The werewolf opened his mouth to speak, but only an incoherent squeak came out. His mind was in a blur, he didn't know if he should come clean or remain in the dark…And he didn't like the sound of either.

"Rem?"

He didn't want to answer…

"Do you?"

He _really _didn't want to answer.

"Do you love Sirius--!" SLAP! James slapped his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide with the mistake he made.

Remus flinched. "Wh-what?"

This time he managed a single word, but it was high-pitched and bleed with his fear. Instantly, his mind shut completely down, breathing was becoming difficult all while his vision darkened. He was going to faint, he knew it ….and he welcomed this oncoming darkness with open arms. Any way for an escape from this moment would be welcomed…

"Well…do you? Come on, just answer…"

"…" His heart hurt, his head spun, he couldn't feel his legs…

"Come on," James said again, calmly, trying to coax an answer from his friend. "Do you love him?"

Remus stood when a sudden burst of energy flowed through him, almost knocking James' glasses off his nose in the process. His fists were clenched so hard that his knuckles had turned ice white. His breathing was labored and his cheeks had roses branded into them. He couldn't answer the question, not even to his goddamn self most of the time, but he could tell James…his friends would leave him then…

But, a part of his mind shrieked, this could be your chance! You could be with Sirius! Remus just sneered at the thought. James had just _asked _if _he _liked Sirius, that proved nothing. So, he didn't have to say anything back. And he didn't…instead our Remus decided to flee from the entire thing as Rachel Mason did.

_Just run…just run from it…just pretend it didn't happen. _

However, as the foliage of the forest whizzed by him, he knew he could not pretend…he could not do anything _but _run.

--

Ah, FINALLY! I friggin' posted it up. Ya see, me dear readers, I wrote this in a notebook during the first…two weeks(?) of school and just now typed it up. /le sigh/ Me's too lazy. Anyway, enjoy. Decided to add more nasty things onto Remus' plate…Why? Dunno…I like a depressed Remus? Nah, I'll make up for it in the next chappy (which'll be uploaded when?) where the cute--possible--fluff scene happens.

Check it out.

Ah, tis it.

Adios, Adieu, Sayonara, Bye!

--Ele.


	6. Deep into the woods

Flee from what hurts or frightens you, hide when you have nowhere else to run, kill when there is no place to cower--that is life. That was _his _life.

Remus tore through the Forbidden Forest without a sense of direction, without any care as to where he would wind up. His face and hands had fallen victim to the thorny plants that grew in and called the forest home, as he tried to protect his amber eyes. It was all right for his face to be shredded and his hands sliced, just not his eyes. His body could take a beating; bleed out its crimson weakness--but not his eyes. For even as much as he wished darkness would blind him, he couldn't bear the thought of never seeing Sirius again. All that perfection--dancing black locks of hair, gray slate eyes that could forgive anyone, slightly tanned skin softer than silk--Remus had grown first to endure then to love being lost amongst unyielding shadows made the young werewolf ill. A greater punch in his stomach than what had happened minutes ago.

He now prayed night would fall. So the sun may waltz with sterling clouds and erase his memory or, at the very least, temporarily numb it. Only, the sun seemed frozen in today, unwilling to give way to the night and tomorrows' healing.

So he continued to run, hoping that maybe, with each stride, with every pump of his heart, that he could race the sun to the horizon. The fear and dread followed close behind--chasing him, mimicking his pace.

James had asked the wrong thing, had roused Remus' inner demons, and now the ripped his heart and stomach to threads. It hurt so much more than the thorns lashing out against his cheeks and palms. The realization he had (with his actions, not with words) told James that he was gay--_and _in love with Sirius--made the tiny threads of the remains of his heart twist and knot together.

Run from what hurts or frightens you, hide when you have nowhere else to run, kill when there is no place to cower. That was all Remus could do now that he also realized the friendships he had striven to keep alive where fleeing in the opposite direction his feet carried him.

* * *

"Sirius! Sirius, SIRIUS!" James burst into common room, panic stricken and wide-eyed.

Sirius, who had decided to spend the lovely afternoon catching up on his reading (classes started on Monday, so he had some time to kill), inclined his head as he slid a bookmark into his book to hold his place. With an agitated sigh, he tossed the book down on the oak table next to him.

"This had better be good, James. I was just about to get to the kissing scene between Jyluston and Markella, I believe. So, hurry, hurry. Spit it out." (A/N: Yes, dear Siri-baby was reading a Romance novel. Cute.)

The other boy took in a few need gulps of air before speaking again, this time his voice a bit softer but still held all its urgency. "I told…I mean, I asked him…. I know I know you told me not to, but I did. And he ran off. He went into the forest before I could tell him the rest."

Gray eyes flooded with curiosity and confusion blinked as their owner sat up straighter in his chair. What James had said made even less sense then the author of his beloved books' name choice. "What? Who? When? And why?"

"I asked Remus if he loved you…few minutes ago and because I had a hunch that he did. I mean, you've noticed he tries to avoid you all the time. The lovey-dovey looks and faint blushes--it was all there! Then what happened last night _and _this morning helped clear my reasoning. Anyway, yeah. He got up and ran off into the forest!"

_Remus?! Damnit! What the hell are you thinking running off like this?! You could get yourself killed! Wait….KILLED?!_

Sirius stood and ran from the room as that thought hit him, his book and his bewildered friend left in his wake. Remus could indeed be hurt or even brutally killed in that God forsaken forest. He had to get to him before something else did…and finally tell him to stop fleeing. Honestly! Sirius Black didn't bite unless needed to.

James had suddenly appeared beside him, his glasses askew and slipping sideways down his nose thanks to perspiration. Pushing them back up and into place with his middle finger solved that problem.

"I'm going to help," he said simply, as if it wasn't a big deal. Like it was something that happened every day.

The raven-haired boy halted, grabbed James by the collar and slammed him up against stonewall in one swift, clean motion. He narrowed his eyes into a glare, directing all the chilling detest he could towards the other boy.

"Stop acting like this isn't a big deal!" He said calmly, though venom dripped heavily from each word. "Our friend and the love of my goddamn life is out in the fucking forest! Don't you dare act as if it doesn't matter!!"

Taken back, James swallowed his tongue or must have because he couldn't speak. _Protective a wee too much there Padfoot….I mean, damn, you're acting like I rapped him or something. Remus is a big boy and he can fend for himself until we arrive…_

Sirius glared at him, expecting an answer, some sign of understanding from the boy pinned to the wall. When he got nothing but a glare in return, Sirius dropped him to continue on his way. If James felt like wasting more of his time--time that could be spent searching for Remus--so be it. He, however, wouldn't allow himself to sink so low. Ever. And he planned to tell James exactly how he felt _after_, and _only after_, Remus was secure in his arms.

Yes, he planned to cling to the auburn-haired boy once he found him, as if the latter was the only thing keeping him to the world. This, in a sense, was true. A life without Remus seemed unbearable to even think about, let alone live.

He also planned to tell him everything. Every feeling, every dream, every hope and wish, _everything_ so Remus would understand and feel safe enough to love him back. To not care what others think, but just what he thought.

Anything other than that…well, it would just be more time wasted.

* * *

_Where am I? What time was it? Has anyone come to look for me? …Do they even care that I'm gone? _

_Shouldn't I just be happy no one is here? _

"Of course not! I just have to be difficult. Pish…," said Remus, self-loathing fueling his words.

After a moment of silence, one he knew would follow his mental integration, Remus sat up, frowning as he found he could not, and slumped back unto the forest floor. He hurt--physically, mentally and emotionally. _Everything _hurt--even the sky looked like it was in pain.

The afternoon blue sky had given way to a bleeding red one adorned with gray-slits of clouds. Amber eyes gazed over this sky, their owner calming his breathing and rapid beating of his heart as he did. He hadn't seen anything like it before--it was almost as if it were telling him that his life wasn't meant to go on. And, like the sky, he would too soon sport slits and bleeding.

_First I run, now I think of suicide. Isn't love supposed to be happy? _

Not when you were Remus Lupin. Not when you were a coward. A big, fat, bloody coward.

Remus sighed, closing his eyes to the sky. Night would soon fall, cloaking all in pure darkness. His mind pondered if he should return to the school before the curtain was dropped, but soon decided it honestly didn't matter. He would only have to face humiliation of the highest if he went back. James would have told Sirius by now, he could be sure of it.

Remus Lupin had no idea how right he was when he reasoned James would tell Sirius mere moments after the truth was let out. And he had no idea that Sirius Black was looking for him as he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Oiiiiiiiiiiii. You hate me, I know. I have been stuck on this for a year it seems, but I've tried! At least you have a bit more to hold you through, ney? Next chappy'll take a while…I apologize that I'm so lazy. Don't hate me…v.v,

--Ele.


	7. Hold me, touch me, kiss me, love me

Night, that dancing Goddess, would twirl and spin until she had seduced the Sun into sleeping. She conquered his domain as she had every day around this time; it sometimes took a bit longer and sometimes the sun fell fast into her dance. Either way, the Night always won and she and her minions--those God-blasted stars--would control the sky, the very Earth.

Such as was now. She teased and teased, dulling the Sun's rays until they shone only black, and cloaked the area in her veil. Some would thank this, others would just swear. Sirius, who was in no hurry to rest his weary body, was one of the latter.

"Damnit, damnit, damnit!" The tiny amount of patience the boy had vanished evaporated with the sun, at this new trial in his way. Why couldn't the sun just stay up longer? A little bit of time would have been greatly--and he did mean _greatly_--appreciated.

He thought, like most who found themselves in the same (_or close_ to the same) situation he was in, that the darkness could be fenced off by a _Lumos_ spell. Yet, even after he screamed the spell out at the top of his sore lungs, the magical light only bounced off the foliage of the dense forest. Magic light had little effect here, and that just pissed Sirius off more.

His calm shot, his heart torn, his body was raked and shook with pain--but giving up was not an option. He _had_ to find Remus. Now.

Darkness was not a friend of his and from this point on it would turn into an enemy. Ever since he was small, he feared the dark, or rather, what lie hidden under its cloak. His mother had been sick about that and would call him a wimp or whatever other vile things lay on her tongue at the time. When he reached Hogwarts, he always swallowed his fears to look strong for his friends, and for Remus. Especially for him.

He figured Mummy-dear would be proud over that. Being a man, and all. Even though it still stung when the boy he grew to adore was so stricken with fear every night and he could do little to help. It put Sirius' own fears to shame and invoked newer ones.

However, no matter how hard he trembled or how strong the urge he had to scream, Remus always, always, always, kept it buried under a smile. The first few years of knowing him, Sirius envied the fact that he could conquer his terrors with a mere smirk on his face. As time went on, though, he grew to understand that Remus Lupin wasn't fearless, not even strong--he just hid, cowered under a blanket until the Sun took over the sky again.

It was discovering this that Sirius realized his love for the smaller boy, and it was with these feelings that he wanted to protect the one he cared most for from all his horrors.

So now, just as darkness fell, Sirius found himself not fearing the black depth of the forest…but for the one deeper in that was.

* * *

Remus Lupin was not scared. He was not shaking so hard that he caused the tree he was leaning against to shake too. He was not biting his tongue to prevent himself from crying. He was not mentally screaming for someone to come and find him.

And, above all, he did _not_ want Sirius Black to cradle him in his arms and sooth his fears away.

"I…can't be that weak…"

"Sirius would be strong…"

"Am I that much of burden?"

"No…I can be strong…"

"I am strong…"

He drew his knees tightly to his chest as he spoke to himself. There was no noise in the forest, and that frightened him most of all.

Silence could mean death was just around the corner, lurking in any tree or a bush, just waiting to strike. He could feel the tingle of fangs biting down into his flesh; he could feel the burning of claws dragging across his skin. Though these images horrified him further, he found that he didn't honestly mind dying.

"I'm probably better off that way…"

The words rang in his ears and echoed through the hollow forest. His heart dropped into his stomach then leapt into his chest. It was so fast that it almost knocked the breath from the boy.

"I'll never be happy…will I," he asked no one, not even to himself…for he knew that even he wasn't listening.

_Someone…save me._

* * *

James had been lost in the thicket since Merlin knows when, and it was just not that Sirius realized it.

"James?! JAMES?!" He swore, punching a nearby tree. The _'thunk' _that resulted from it echoed through the forest. An eerie, hollow sound chilled the onyx-haired youth to the core.

He was alone.

James was alone.

Remus was alone.

They _all _were lost and by themselves within this labyrinth of thorns and bark, blinded by the dark and dulled by weariness. They were like little newborn lambs in the middle of a starving wolf pack.

If they did not find the herd by daybreak, the chances of being alive were slimmer than the blood that boiled in all of their veins.

"Damnit!" Sirius punched the tree again. "Damnit, damnit, damnit!" _'Thunk', 'thunk', 'thunk'! _

If there was ever a time he needed, and particularly _wanted_, help was now. He didn't know a thing about this forest, aside that it was home to some of the most bloodthirsty, dreadful creatures imaginable.

"James?! Remus?! Someone…please…"

'_Thunk'…'thunk'….'thunk'…'thunk'_

Sirius' body tensed up as he glanced over at his hand. It rested, fisted, against the bark of the tree he had previously been hitting. Blood rivulets dripped from his swelling knuckles and twitched now and again with the throb of his heart.

"But…that wasn't…me." He cast his gray eyes in the direction of the sound. "Remus?! James?! That you?!"

'_Thunk'…'thunk'….'thunk'…'thunk'…_

* * *

Remus slammed his fist into the tree twice more, and then paused to listen to the forest. Silence. He punched the tree again and again.

"Whoever you are…follow the sound…_find me_."

* * *

James sighed, plopping down onto the ground and crossing his legs. He rested his head in his hand as he scanned the border of the forest with half-lidded, exhausted eyes. He had just stumbled out from the death trap a few moments ago, and he did not intend to head back in.

His face was badly cut due to the thorns and his hands sported worse than mere scratches. Blood oozed from a rather nasty gash he had no idea where it came from. James was also sure that his knee was bruised from where he had just fell, as he could already feel it starting to swell.

He hoped the others were in better shape than he was in.

And above that, he hoped they were alive.

"Sorry…Sirius…Remus. This is all my fault…If I hadn't've told Remus anything…" Another sigh passed from his lips and a pained whimper followed that when he stood up. "But…I'll go fetch someone…then you guys'll be okay…"

With that, he spun on his good foot, and headed off to the glowing windows of the school.

* * *

Sirius tore through the forest, caring little where he stepped or what he stepped on. There was sweat pouring off his forehead, stinging his eyes, but he continued on. He would continue on until his body broke.

"Remus!?" He struck the side of a tree. 'Thunk!' "Ouch…!"

He hit the tree to hard, damnit, and his hand thanked him for it.

Off in the distance, though closer than it had been, came a soft 'Thunk'.

He pumped his legs harder. He was aching so bad that he was sure he wouldn't move for a month after this ordeal. But he didn't care. Just as long as Remus and James were alright. As long as they were alive.

* * *

Remus snapped his head at an odd angle, his heart stopping when he confirmed that, yes, something was coming toward him.

Various things were snapping and groaning, breaking and crunching. The forest seemed to breath now, inhaling with a grunt and exhaling with a moan.

Now, Remus mentally swore at himself for punching the tree. It could've been a trap…set up by something with a taste for mortal blood. Once again the feeling of dread washed over him, and his fears escalated to a new high point.

He shook again and wished, wished, wished that Sirius was with him.

"Siri-Sirius…"

The movement, the entire breath of the forest, stopped.

"Remus?" The reply was coated with worry, but laced with relief. "Remus, is that you?"

The werewolf nearly cried right there, but he hit the tree again, happy. "Sirius, over here! I'm over here!"

Moments later, his raven angel came into his darkened view, beaten but alive. Tears swelled in his eyes, his breath paused in his throat. Sirius was okay.

The same thoughts were running through the other boy's mind, and he let out a soft sigh as he fell to his knees in front of the one he had searched for. A pale and shaking hand reached out to touch Remus' face, and this time he didn't flinch or pull away.

"Remus, thank Merlin…thank God…thank whoever the fuck made this possible." Even in the black of his surroundings, Remus could see the glint of tears in Sirius' gray orbs. His heart fell.

Sirius Black had never shed a tear in his life--or, at least, in front of him. He had always seemed to be the strongest of the group, the one that could make the Boogieman run away in fear. To think that his mere disappearance would make him cry filled Remus with a odd feeling…

Was he honestly that important to him?

Was he honestly -- His thoughts were cut short as Sirius pulled Remus to his chest, hugging him like he was the only link to sanity.

"_Fuck_, Remus! Don't you ever do that to me again!" He words weren't angry, but some other emotion Remus had never heard on Sirius' tongue. "Now, I know that James basically told you…or asked you…or whatever…All I know is that you got this funny--and might I add, _stupid_--idea in your head that you had to run away from me. …Could you explain this for me? Please? Do…you hate me or something?"

"Sirius…" He could feel his cheeks burning. What a time to blush his heart out. "I…no…I could never hate you….but…I…I-I…" His tongue wasn't working either. Absolutely perfect.

"What…? You can tell me, I'm all ears." He sensed Sirius' smirk even though he couldn't see it. It comforted him somehow.

"I…" He closed his eyes, not that it did much to aid anything. All his mind could focus on was the feel of his face pressed against Sirius' chest, the tingle of his fingers raking through his gilded-brown hair, the sensation of their bodies being so close together…

Was this what it would be like if he confessed his love? Would Sirius hold him like this long into the night, whispering how much he cared for him until the Sun rose from its slumber?

Or would he turn him away, calling him 'faggot' or 'queer'?

The last question, alone, glued his tongue to the roof of his mouth. He didn't want to be hated by the one he loved so much.

"Remus…" Sirius pulled Remus closer, until he sat in his lap, and cupped Remus' warm face in his hands to draw it closer. "If you will not speak, then I will." He was mere inches from Remus' face, his words brushed over the younger boy's lips in puffs of heated air.

"Remus Lupin, I love you."

The distance was lost between them, along with Remus' fears, as Sirius captured his lips in a soft kiss.

* * *

Weeee! An update!! Yes, yes…sorry about the wait my loves…but I haven't been in the mood for writing. Meh, I know, not a worthy excuse, but, whatever. I wrote, be happy.

I actually wrote this in two days…so, if it's shitty, forgive me. I tried.

If you wanna make me happy, you could review.

Eh? Eh?

How about you do that and click the purple button.

No? Then I shall torment you with peer pressure!

Click it.

You know you want to.

Click it, click it, review, review!!

DO IT!

--Ele.

…do…it…

...click...zee...button...


	8. The Centaurs Warning

Sirius held onto Remus tightly, their lips finally parted, their chests rising and falling rapidly as they gulped air into their lungs. How much time had passed since they first kissed was unknown to both of them, but, judging by the silence, it must have been quite a while. It seemed even the birds and bugs were sleeping.

Or...wait.

Remus frowned, pulling a bit away from Sirius to peer in to the dense forest. Suddenly, the young werewolf didn't feel so happy.

"Sirius..."

But Sirius pressed a finger to Rem's lips before he could say anything more, a frown twisted on both his brow and his lips. He hissed at him (_shhh!_) to hush as he turned to look out into the forest as well. Something didn't seem right...it was way, _way_, too quiet.

The air, though never that welcoming, was chilled and forbidding, ice in their lungs. Remus instantly thought of dementors: They were known and recorded to bring on this kind of sudden chill, force such dreading in to the people, plants and whatever else was near them when they drew near.

Dementors in the forest? The idea seemed ludicrous, completely impossible. Still, there was a part of him that feared that this unlikelihood was an actual, hard truth. He had, after all, never heard silence as thick as this before.

Sirius stood but did not move from the spot. Remus guessed this was because Sirius believed that, if there was anything out there, he had to protect him from it. It was a sweet gesture, one that Remus swore to thank Sirius for later, but, honestly, he had spent most of his life alone, defending himself. He appreciated and yearned for help sometimes, however, this didn't mean that it was a reoccurring thing. Remus Lupin was not a flower, a _pansy_. He had thorns; he knew how to fight.

After a moment more of watching Sirius looking, albeit in vain, around for anything that threatened their lives, Remus stood up as well. He saw, or more like sensed, Sirius glance over at him but he said nothing in protest or in favor of the action.

Then, with the volume of roaring thunder and the swiftness of lightning, a branch snapped a few feet away from them. Remus' heart jumped into his throat, but he forced his body to remain still. He felt Sirius shift in front of him, his hand darting out from the darkness to clutch his own. A surge ofadoration for the older boy washed over him as Remus laced their fingers together and squeezed gently.

_I have nothing to fear. Not if you're standing beside me. _

"Remus, light your wand when I do, okay?" Sirius' voice was barely a whisper, but Remus heard every word.

"I will."

He heard Sirius pull his wand from his pocket, it was that deafeningly silent, and mutter '_Lumos_' under his breath, as if wand-light wasn't going to show off where they were. Pushing aside that thought, Remus too muttered '_Lumos_' so his wand light cast itself with Sirius', merging into a solid spotlight on the stage of crushed and decaying leaves, clearly showing the audience of whatever lurked out there the two performers who, seemingly, stood alone on their stage.

The light didn't help much, save point out where they were. Remus heard Sirius swear softly and he saw him frantically looking around.

It seemed there was nothing out there. Except darkness. But, then what made the twig snap?

Remus' frowned deepened as he spoke. "Sirius...you came searching for me with James, right? It could just be—"

His words were cut off, or rather, they fled from his tongue. For there, standing in front of them were three or four giant and pissed-off looking centaurs.

* * *

James' heart pounded painfully against his ribcagepumping fresh, warm blood through his weary body and out of the cuts that tore his skin. His knee throbbed with warning; in the morning it would hurt ten-fold then it did right now. But he went on, running past the ancient suits of armor that long since lost their luster, past paintings of Lords and Ladies who whispered to one another and disappeared behind their frames as he went, until he reached the massive doors that lead into the Great Hall.

The ceiling was cloudy today—white clouds broke apart now and then to reveal the enchanted stars that dotted the conjured sky. Students, some gazing upward with dazed looks on their faces, others shoveling food down their throats, packed the benches of the four house tables. They were eating dinner, as it would seem, and paid little mind to the bleeding boy that marched between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables.

Dinner?

Blinking, James shot a look out one of the arched windows. He could barely make out the dying rays of the sun sinking beyond the horizon; in the forest in had been pitch-black.

_It's only eight-something then? Funny...being in that forest made it seem like much more time had passed._

When he reached the teachers table, he stopped dead and turned his attention to Dumbledore, who was examining him over his half-moon spectacles. James' stomach gave a little lurch and his heart pumped more than just blood through his veins. Oh, how they were going to get in trouble for this.

Ignoring the adrenaline and the way it laced his stomach with dread, James looked back into the Headmaster's dazzling blue eyes. He had just opened his mouth to speak when Dumbledore cut him short.

"Ah, James. I was wondering when you were going to show up. But, with cuts and bruises? I didn't see that coming. And where, I wonder, is Sirius and Mr. Lupin?" Not surprisingly, his tone wasn't angry, but concerned and calm.

"They...they're in the forest, Headmaster," he started, casting his eyes to the table when he saw McGonagall turn to look at him. And she didn't look happy. "Remus got upset and ran off. Me and Sirius ran off after him, but I got separated and...and..."

Dumbledore frowned, glancing over at McGonagall before speaking again. "And they're still in there?"

"Yes," he answered miserably.

In a matter of seconds, both the head of Gryffindor and Dumbledore stood from their seats, and, James following behind, headed to the forest that still held the two boys.

* * *

"Mortals in our forest?" There was a pause in his words as he took a step close to them. "Speak, what brings you into our hunting grounds?" A large, black skinned and furred centaur was the one to talk. A quiver of arrows was strapped on his back and a bow was clutched in one of his massive hands.

Sirius gave Remus' hand a squeeze and he understood it to mean 'Don't worry, I'll handle this.' So, unwillingly, he kept his mouth shut as Sirius explained.

"We had no intention of trespassing on to your grounds," he said calmly, "My friend got frightened and came running in to your forest, feeble of an excuse as that may seem. I've come to retrieve him...We were just about to leave."

Two of the centaurs frowned at him—a gray one that was a few inches shorter than the black one and the smallest of them all, a female with a flowing mane of blonde hair. The black one shook his tail but otherwise made no other movement.

"What are your names, foals," he asked, shouldering his bow so he could fold his arms over his chest.

"I'm Sirius Black. And the one behind me, my friend, is Remus Lupin."

"Remus Lupin? The lycanthrope?" It was the blonde female that spoke this time. She, unlike her companions, did not sport the scars of combat. Her abdomen and chest, the part that wasn't covered by her mane, was as white as snow.

The black one snorted and the gray one cocked his eyebrow at Remus.

"Lycanthrope, eh? The same one Albus Dumbledore came to talk to us about?" It was the gray one this time. He held a bow in his hands as well and, Remus noted, a long scar traveled from his shoulder to his stomach.

"I do believe so," said the black one, looking over Remus with blazing green eyes. There was a hint of detest on his tongue.

Remus couldn't keep quiet any longer. He had questions too, damnit!

"What do you mean? Professor Dumbledore came to you because of me?" Remus stared at the giant black centaur, ignoring Sirius when he glanced back at him.

"You think we should tell him, Anderes?"

Anderes, the one that Remus was staring at, shrugged. "If we tell him it will make no difference."

"Then let me." The blonde one said, looking over at him. He nodded and stepped back, as if not to draw attention to himself when she spoke.

"Very well, Mara, but be quick. We have little time to waste on a foal's curiosity."

Nodding, Mara stepped forward, giving Remus and Sirius a small smile. "Yes young one. He asked if we would allow you to run free in the forest during your transformations."

"But we refused. Your kind are dangerous. We have our own kin to look after without having to worry about a ragging wolf cub."

"Judah! Do not speak to the boy like that," Mara glared at him, "It is not his fault if he is cursed."

Both Anderes and Judah snorted. They didn't seem too happy about Mara defending a mortal, or to make matters worse, a _werewolf_.

Remus cast his eyes to the ground again, his insides twisting with disgust. He _was_ dangerous, he knew that. But, hearing it out loud felt like a knife had punctured his chest, his heart. He understood why the centaurs forbade the cover of their forest—better to have the wolf rip apart its' own body than one of their own.

Sirius gave Remus' hand another squeeze, but he refused to look up, to squeeze back. Instead he pulled his hand free from Sirius' and shoved it in to his pocket.

Dangerous. A threat. A potential killer when the full moon shattered his being. How could anyone love such a hideous creature?

He barely heard Anderes as he spoke to Mara. He barely cared.

"You side with him?" He sounded angrier. " Very well. Show the children back to the forest edge. We will over look your treachery this time, but only this once. Understood?"

Mara nodded, frowning at them as both Anderes and Judah trotted off, leaving her alone. Once they had disappeared beyond the density of the trees, she sighed and crossed her arms.

"You mustn't pay any mind to them. They are callous and care little for anything other than themselves, let alone the rest of the centaurs." She gave them a smile. "Please don't be discouraged. I think you are a lovely person, Remus Lupin." When he didn't say anything back, she sighed.

"Now, now," she said softly, "You are mortal more than you are a wolf. Remember that. You are more than just a werewolf—you are a human too. And I am sure your friend agrees."

Remus blinked at the ground. Her words were true: He was only a wolf when the full moon rose. Still, he was such a monster when he transformed, he had the scars that proved it. There was no telling what would happen if his fangs found more than his own flesh to bite.

"Stop it. Remus, _stop it_."

Sirius placed his finger underneath Remus' chin and tilted his head up until they stared into each others' eyes. Steel clashed with amber, as it had so many times before. This time, however, those steel eyes weren't warm, or even concerned. Sirius seemed angry.

"Stop...what?" It was a stupid thing to say, but it was the only thing he could think of. A few feet away, Mara watched them silently, not daring to put her say in.

"You know what! You are not a monster, Remus! And don't you _dare_ think that you are."

The last part sounded like a threat.

Remus, childishly, just stared, watching as Sirius grit his teeth in frustration. A small crease had formed between Sirius' eyebrows, giving him a much older appearance.

He opened his mouth, ready to tell Remus off again, but Mara, who up to this point refrained from interrupting, spoke.

"I am sorry...but, you should not fight. And besides, I must lead you to the edge of the forest before Anderes and Judah are done hunting." She smiled at them and began walking away from them. "My brother and my mate, they do not like to be kept waiting."

Remus didn't know how to answer this. He was still concerned about his monthly self-control lapses and how, no matter which angle he saw it at, it would effect his new relationship with Sirius. Saying there _was _still something between them; Remus really didn't have to guess the other boy was throughly pissed at his revelation. But maybe this would just be a fleeting anger, much like he hoped this idea, this new fear, was something he would forget once he woke up tomorrow.

With the tiniest of glances, Remus looked over at Sirius, only to find that he had started walking away, tailing Mara without snapping Remus from his thoughts. He sighed. It wasn't a big deal, they weren't that far away, but the thought that Sirius would leave him in this death-trap any longer kind of stung.

Then again, the idea that Remus was a flesh-craving beast (which he had no problems believing; his fangs, his claws showed no trouble in reminding him) probably hurt Sirius too.

It could've been that he was just in some sort of denial, believing it as a fact but wanting so badly to ignore the proof that stood behind it, supporting it. Or it could've been because Sirius actually loved him and would, like all good lovers do, find a way to ease the pain from it.

Remus, as he started walking after the other two, glanced down at his hands, flexing his left one under his wand-light.

There wasn't any new scars on it, now that he closely examined it. And his joints didn't ache as they used to before and after the change. For a second he believed he was totally human.

He couldn't help but smile. It was true, when he was with Sirius, not to mention James and Peter, he felt like the moon didn't control him anymore. He felt _free._ Absolutely free, no questions asked.

Biting the inside of his cheek as a punishment for ever thinking otherwise, Remus quickened his pace until he was side-by-side with Sirius. Not so unexpectedly, he didn't acknowledge that he was there. He deserved it, he really did, but that didn't stop him from grabbing Sirius hand.

Sirius made a move to stop, thought better off it, and nearly tripped while trying to

act as if the thought never crossed his mind. Remus almost laughed at him, thought better of it himself, and laced their fingers together as he had earlier.

"I'm sorry," Remus said somewhat lamely. Apologizing was the best thing to do, yet it seemed so...trivial next to the things he thought. He hoped Sirius would get the strength behind his words and forgive him.

For a painstakingly long silence, Sirius said nothing. He didn't even look over at Remus as they walked. Their hands remained locked, however, so Remus knew all hope wasn't lost. If Sirius was still totally pissed, he would've shock his hand free ages ago.

It was a spark to a load of wet logs, but, hey, it was something.

"You ever act like that again, Moony, which, let me inform you, is worse than any prat I've meet, and I'll personally slap some sense into you. Got it?" Sirius looked over at Remus, grinning madly, happily, as he stared at him.

"Got it." He smiled back, and, he could've sworn he saw Mara look back and smile at them.

In what felt like minutes (it could've been more, and, most likely, it was), Mara came to a halt and, just beyond her, Remus saw the glimmering lights of Hogwarts castle. He felt safer than he had all night; the castle being little to thank for it.

Pulling him along, Sirius walked a bit further, then stopped. He turned to Mara and Remus followed suit.

"Thank you," he said, bowing his head slightly to her.

"Yes, I hope you don't get banished because of us," Remus added, suddenly feeling worried for her. What if she did get thrown out of her heard just because she stood up for him?

She shook her head. "They'll be lenient with me this time. Besides," her hand drifted to her stomach, "They don't banish those who are going to bring foals into the forest soon."

Remus blinked, his mouth dropping. "What? But...but why were you out hunting then?"

"I have fears," she said quietly, "That my mate, that would be Anderes in case you are wondering, has been going off to be with another centaur while he 'hunts'. Mind, it is forbidden by our laws, but, I decided I'd follow him anyway.

"I guess you can just call me a typical mate. Fretting over something I knew was not true."

Her smile grew as she waved them away. "Do not worry about me, I will be fine. And, I must warn you, please do not run into the forest again," she looked at Remus when she said this, "Next time it might be a less friendly creature that finds you."

With that, she turned and ran off, soon hidden by shadows and trees.

"Well this, I have to say, has been one hell of a night. But, well worth it." Sirius pulled Remus closer, pressing his lips to his ear, whispering over the breeze drifting over from the lake. "I still have you, after all."

* * *

-whistles- Wow...that was fun to write. -grin- Anywho...

Hello loyal fan-base!! I hope you can pull yourselves, for those who are, from reading the 7th Harry Potter book to read my latest, angsty installment of Lapse. -grumbles- Grr, stupid 7th HP book...I shall never mention it again!

...La...

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chappy. It, as I've said, was fun to write, though it took me about three days to finish it.

Review pwease! -glomps all- Lurve you!

Ah, before I sign and post this, for those of you who were wondering what heck I was thinking to have added snippy and pissy centaurs to my fanfic, the answer is this: 'Cause I could.

Nah, I just wanted to write about a kind, female centaur that lead them from harm. Made sense to me...besides, I didn't want them to get eaten or anything. So lame...

I'll shut up now. And look for the next chapter real soon! 'Cause, not mentioning the 7th book again, I have a undying need to write Remus/Sirius right now.

So, till then!

--Ele.


	9. Midnight

_I still have you, after all…_

The sky was a deep hue of indigo, dotted by thousands of glittering stars that seemed brighter than they ever had before. The darkness of the Forbidden Forest had made light a fairytale -- a figment of imagination from some writer or a believing fib from a liar's tongue. Utter nonsense. A story.

In fact, _all_ of this felt like a story to Remus, almost perfect, _too_ perfect. Unbelievable, as if ages had passed between the time-spent running away from his feelings and now, where he held Sirius' hand without a single thought of letting it go.

What caused this complete turn around?

Amber eyes dropped to the grass, scanning in the sun-bright dimness for his answer. If, granted, the dewed ground had anything to offer.

It glistened like crushed diamonds, mirrored stars, and provided no help. As expected.

"Hey." Sirius' gentle voice brought his eyes up. He could see the perfect sculpture that was his face, and he felt his heart thud hard against his chest.

However, he didn't feel the need to run. Remus, flabbergasted as any confused young werewolf would be, found he actually wanted Sirius to be closer. Found that he wanted to be kissed again, wanted to be kissed many, many times, really…

His hand felt the familiar pressure as Sirius squeezed it. Thank Merlin, if not for that to focus on, Remus would have blushed at his own thoughts.

_How weak…I'm no better than those girls that fall over Sirius and beg for his acknowledgement…_

"Hey," Sirius repeated, smile etching across his handsome face. "What are you thinking about?"

The answer came automatically: "Nothing."

"Oh? So you so happen to like looking at the ground from long periods of time?" His tone was casual, almost playful.

Remus huffed. "I haven't been staring at the ground for _that _long."

"We're almost at the school," Sirius pointed out, laughing as Remus blanched and glanced ahead of them.

The castle was still far off; Sirius had tricked him.

And, by the melodic sound of his laughter, he was enjoying it too.

Remus looked back at him with a hard glare that melted instantly when Sirius used his free hand to ruffle his golden locks.

"Oi! I knew you weren't paying any attention!" He laughter subdued, and he only chuckled between every other word. His smile only brightened as he went on. "You were locked up in your head again, probably thinking stupid things that you shouldn't be. You need to lighten up, Rem. There is nothing you need to worry about anymore -- we're out of the forest, relatively unharmed, and the headmaster and McGonagall are coming towards us as we speak. And James is with them--"

Sirius' smile dropped. Remus drained further of color as he saw that he wasn't joking anymore and immediately let go of his hand.

Sirius made an unconscious attempt to grab it again -- his fingers brushed delicately over Remus' knuckles -- but he processed why Remus had done it and coiled his fingers in to his palm. He muttered something that Remus didn't quite catch.

When Remus could tear his eyes off the approaching welcoming party, he glanced at Sirius to see that his face was tense.

The glint of his eyes told a different tale. They shone with like polished slate -- Remus could see that it was relief that watered those eyes.

It was then he understood that Sirius had mumbled a sentence of gratitude. James was safe; Remus didn't know how worried he had actually been. It calmed his own worries and elated the love he felt for him.

"_Sirius Black_," McGonagall barked out the name, her face looking seemingly older. She'd aged in the last few hours since they had seen her. Was this because of worry or rage? "And Remus Lupin! Just what -- I repeat _what_ -- brought you out here to begin with? You know perfectly well that entering the Forest is forbidden! You are not a bunch of first years that need to be told that, I'm sure!"

Remus looked at the ground and inhaled deeply. He could smell the night dew and the grass. He could even pick out the sharp spice of Sirius. "It's my fault, Professor…," he began.

Sirius ignored them all and strode forward until he could punch James in the arm. The other boy sighed, but otherwise did nothing to acknowledge the pain that was sure to be stinging his skin.

"You _git_! You could've been _killed _in there! Why did you disappear, you nearly made me worry my hair gray," he chided, the relief in his eyes burning.

"You _all_could have been killed." It was McGonagall; so far, Dumbledore stood by watching, eyes twinkling.

Again, she was ignored. Sirius stared hard at James until he sighed once more and pushed his glasses further up his nose.

"Look, it was dark. I didn't know where I was going. I'm just glad I was able to get out -- and that you two are okay. You're not the only who worried himself to an early grave!" Hazel eyes turned hot, defiant. "What did you think? That I would let myself _die_ in the forest?" The truth was, James worried over his friends more than over himself.

"Merlin's beard, no! But what else was I supposed to think, with you gone?!"

James had opened his mouth to say something, but Dumbledore cut him off.

"Boys, settle. I know you two were worried about each other--" ("And for good reason," McGonagall interpreted, hands on her hips.) "--but I would like to know why you were in the forest, as Minerva has already so kindly asked before."

He looked at Remus, who had just made his way over to his friends as inconspicuously as he could manage, and gave him a smile. The Headmaster seemed tired. It made Remus feel guiltier.

"You were saying, Mr. Lupin," he inquired gently, no doubt sensing the guilt from the boy.

Remus bit the inside of his cheek. _How_was he going to answer this one without spilling it all out? He was sure telling Dumbledore the soap-opera of his life (about the forbidden fruit of his love for another boy; about how running away was the only thing he could think of to put more distance between him and Sirius; about how many nights he would just lay awake and watch Sirius sleep, all the while ignoring the ache in his heart; about how, even now, he was worried that all of this was a dream and he was going to wake up in his bed -- alone again) wasn't going to win any points. For either side of the team.

"Well, it's…it's just my fault," he repeated, eyes dropping to the grass again. He couldn't look Dumbledore in the face if he was going to lie. Which seemed like the only option he had.

Dumbledore's smile dropped at little at that, a twitch of his mouth then the smile returned. Remus could feel Sirius' and James' stares on him -- Sirius' angry; James' questioning. McGonagall, who had heard Remus say it the first time, did nothing at all.

"Would you care to explain," Dumbledore asked.

_If only I didn't_, Remus thought, breathing deeply before saying, "I'm the one who ran into the Forest in the first place. I-I…I was upset and just needed to be away from everything, everyone." He paused and looked up, meeting soft blue eyes. "Sirius and James only went into the Forest to find me."

That didn't settle well with McGonagall. She pursed her lips in a thin, angry line. Her hand, once on her hips, thrust an accusing finger at Remus, then to the forest and then towards the two other boys.

"You _mean_ to tell me," her hand waved wildly in the air, elaborating, dramatic, "that all of this _nonsense _is nothing more than you being _upset_?"

Remus nodded, though the question was rhetorical. Her finger jabbed towards him again, her eyes narrowed.

"I expected better of you, Remus," she told him quietly, voice nothing less than bitter. "There are a thousand places in the castle that would have suited that simple need! You know I'm going to have to punish you, _all_ of you," she added, looking back at Sirius and James.

"What? No! Professor, it's my fault alone. They shouldn't be punished for my mistakes!"

"That may very well be true, Remus, but Mr. Black and Mr. Potter _should_ have told us immediately instead of _waiting_until they were cut and bruised!" Remus opened his mouth in protest, but McGonagall went on.

"75 points from Gryffindor! Twenty-five from each of you," she gave them all a hard stare and when she was looking back at Remus, Sirius made a face at her behind her back. "_And_ a week's detention each. I'm sure those cauldrons need a good cleaning."

James and Sirius did a collective groan of detest. But, they knew they got off easier than they should have. Going into the Forbidden Forest should have expelled them all.

* * *

Remus woke the next morning feeling disoriented and uncomfortable. It felt like his head was laying on a rock and he felt too warm. Feverish, even. Perhaps he was getting sick?

It wouldn't surprise him.

Everything _external_ was healed after they were lead into the castle. James sported a twisted ankle and a bruised knee that looked unbearable, yet he managed to walk to the castle and back…_twice_. Sirius was more lucky -- he merely had scraps and a few shallow cuts. Remus couldn't remember all that was found wrong with himself, but it only took a few moments and a single uttered spell before he was dismissed.

He could vaguely remember crawling in bed and passing out, too exhausted to take off his clothes. Remus was sure he even slept in his shoes.

He wiggled his toes -- they brushed against something firm, but unlike the captivity he expected. And the thing was warm, like everything else around him.

What was going on?

Remus eased his amber eyes open. It was still dark, not yet dawn. He could hear James, Peter, and Sirius breathing deeply and evenly -- asleep, as _he _should be. He glanced around the dormitory, waiting for his eyes to adjust.

He looked at James' bed first, watched it rise and fall with his breathing, then glanced at Peter's bed. He saw the same thing, even hearing the soft whistle of his snore now that he paid attention.

The smile that spread over his face was soft, then shy as he turned his eyes to Sirius' bed. Then there wasn't a smile at all.

Sirius' bed was empty, abandoned.

_That doesn't make sense_, Remus thought in a panic, _I can still hear his breathing! He's in this room, right? But…where is h--NO! He wouldn't!_

Remus moved his foot, placing it against the stiffness in his bed. In his horror, he realized it has a leg, not his own, but a leg nonetheless.

_Sirius Black! You snuck into my bed!_

Sure enough, when Remus turned over, he was face to face with the sexiest man you could ever have the grace of seeing asleep.

The hard, uncomfortable thing his head was resting on was Sirius' arm; the doubled heat of his bed came from Sirius' body. It all made sense now. Why hadn't his brain processed it further?

With amber eyes fully adjusted to the none-light of the room, Remus looked at the trespasser. His heart raced in his chest, smacking against his ribs, but he just continued to stare. He couldn't find the will to more, even if he wanted too.

Sirius looked so peaceful, face slack with sleep and dreams, that Remus wondered if this was his Sirius at all. Remus, after years of watching him sleep, always believed the smirk on his face was permanently etched there -- even when he slept. It was funny to see Sirius like this, it seemed so unlike him in every way.

_No wonder everything that walks wants you_, he thought, eyes drinking in the sight of his handsome face. _You're so perfect…even when you sleep. You don't even snore like Peter does or thrash about like James. You just lay still, breathing, dreaming. And what, I wonder, are you dreaming of right now? _

He quieted his thoughts. Call him a hopeless-romantic, but this scene was all too much like countless ones he'd read in books: Lovers snuggled close, one asleep, the other muttering gently (though Remus dare not speak) until surprised when the sleeping lover mumbled the other's name. Would Sirius do that?

Was he dreaming of him?

If he was, Sirius made no indication of it. The only noise uttered from him was his exhaling breath. Remus found he was slightly disappointed.

_Oh, aren't I the silly one? I thought you'd actually say something…my name, a whisper of affection…anything like that._ He found that blushed at the very thought of it. _Tch, you even make me blush while you sleep. What God blessed you with that power, Sirius Black?_

Minutes passed, flew by, and Remus couldn't hold his eyes open any longer. He was still exhausted, he couldn't ignore it any more, and his eyes fell closed.

The last thing he heard before Sleep lured him away to the abyss of his dreams, was the even, quiet melody of Sirius breathing.

And a muttered fragment of his name that came drifting from those handsome lips.

"_Rem…_"

* * *

Hot damn! That felt good to write! :D Oh, I feel so happy with myself I could eat a pie! (that doesn't make any sense!!)

Well, I supposed I lied when I said I was gonna be updating this like crazy -- it's been almost another year's wait for you, my readers. And I'm sorry… I really am. Combined laziness with trying to pass my Senior year of high school -- I just couldn't find the muse I needed to write a semi-presentable chapter.

And, though I say my stuff's shit, I'd rather not post up a page or 3 of crap when I could have sat down for two more days and make it presentable-crap. Ya'dig?

Anyway, I hope, hope, hope!!, that you liked this chapter…and that it was worth the wait I forced you in to.

I'm sorry.

I love you all.

Please don't stop reading…

-- Ele.


	10. Dreaming of me

When Remus woke up later that morning he was alone.

He tried not to be disappointed as he sat up and rubbed the sleep away from his eyes. He tried to ignore how cold his bed now seemed. He tried to stop wondering if Sirius would have been there if he had just opened his eyes a few minute sooner.

But no matter how hard he did _try_, he couldn't help but sigh as he swung his feet over the edge of his mattress and stood up. He stretched, joints popping and walked over to his wardrobe to gather his robes.

"Maybe it was all a dream," he muttered, glancing back at Sirius' bed. It seemed to him that no one had slept in it all night -- but you could never trust such things in the wizardry world. Magic could sooth away any crease or fold in bed sheets, _even_ if someone was laying under them.

If it was a dream, it was extremely vivid. Remus could remember the warm the Sirius' body made. He could remember how his face looked in the dim lighting. The fragment of his name still echoed in his head.

"_Rem…_"

Remus shuddered. It had been no dream and he'd known it.

_But where'd he run off to then? _he thought, throwing his robes down on his bed, starting to unbutton the shirt that had made the trip to the Forest and back with him. Once that task was done, he slid it off and let it fall to his feet.

_They're all not in bed,_ his brain reminded him_. Peter and James are gone too. Maybe they just went to bathe, like you should._

He frowned. Bathing didn't seem like such a bad idea -- he could felt dirt clinging to him, now that he thought about it. It made him shudder again. Remus Lupin could not stand being filthy. And he wasn't going to make an exception this time either.

He knelt down and picked up his abandoned shirt. Shrugging it on half-way was as far as he got before the common room door opened and a soaking wet Sirius came marching in.

A towel hung around his shoulders; his chest was bare and shimmered under the sunlight as he walked. Raven locks fell in perfect curtains around his face, shinning like onyx in the sun. A pair of breetches, as black as his hair, was the only thing that kept him from being completely exposed (though even they clung to his body and gave Remus quite a show). Sirius made it to his own bed before he stopped, finally realizing that Remus was awake and starting at him.

He gave Remus a crooked, knowing grin, his gray eyes flickered like fire. Remus felt himself melt.

"Well, well," Sirius drawled, "look who's up and making my day worth while." Remus blushed and looked away. Or tried too. His eyes were too enthralled by Sirius' half-naked body to do much anything else than stare. He couldn't even blink.

Sirius, clever little bugger, knew it too.

He dropped the towel to the floor, hands going to his hips. "Like what you see, Moony," he asked, grin growing wicked, as he gestured at himself.

This time Remus did look away. He heard Sirius chuckle.

"Oi, you can stare, Rem," he said, walking towards him. "It's all yours anyway, so you can stop with this shyness!"

Warm hands were suddenly on his shoulders and Remus looked up in spite of himself. Amber clashed with silver; Remus had to gasp at how close they actually were. This was a whole different experience than last night -- Sirius was awake and very, very conscious of how his actions effected the other boy.

It took a minute to summon up his power to speak (Sirius had that type of enchantment -- he could make anyone forget the most simple of tasks by a single look), but he finally managed to say something.

"Why did you sneak into my bed last night," came the quiet question. He'd hope to startle distance between them with an unexpected question but Sirius didn't even bat an eyelash.

"Because I wanted to." Simple. To the point. Remus narrowed his eyes; Sirius only continued grinning. "You know you liked it or you would have pushed me ou--"

"Did you dream about me," Remus interrupted, taking a small ounce a pleasure of the sight of Sirius Black's jaw falling half-open in surprise and shock.

The second passed and it snapped back shut, resuming its grin.

"Maybe, maybe not. What's it matter to you, hm, Rem?" An elegant raven eyebrow arched in question. "Did you want me to dream about you?"

"Maybe, maybe not," he repeated, a smile of his own meeting his lips. He gave Sirius a tiny shove, and the boy stepped back, fearing he was too close for Remus' comfort. "I'm going to take a bath now."

Remus grabbed his clean robes off his bed and made his way to the door. Sirius was the one to open it for him.

"That's great! I was thinking about doing the very same!" He winked. "Maybe we'll have the prefects bathroom to ourselves."

Remus started at him -- this time in confusion, not awe.

"But…didn't you already take your bath? By the looks of you--"

Sirius silenced him with a kiss. "By the looks of me, I'm a soaking wet mess. You can thank Evans and dear 'ole James for that."

If anything, Remus got more confused. "What?"

"Things were going well between them this morning. Seemed like they were actually going to act civil around each other for once. But then James made a move to grab her hand and she flipped. Hexed water right out of her wand to 'put a damper on his hopes'." He rolled his eyes. "Or so she said. I was the lucky bloke who was standing right next to the git when he got sprayed and, thus, so did I."

"Well," Remus asked, trying to hide his laughter with a cough. "I missed a rather…eventful morning, didn't I?"

Sirius shrugged. "Just a bit. If we hurry, you'll probably still see James sitting in the middle of the common room in his puddle of despair. Come on." He grabbed Remus' wrist, snuck another kiss to his lips and started down to the stairs.

"H-hey, now!" It wasn't much of a protest, but, then again, Remus really didn't feel like protesting at the moment. His shyness was momentarily gone (probably stolen by a kiss) and the thought of the two of them spending time together in the baths excited him.

It really didn't matter that he had said something at all, because Sirius would have kept on. He wouldn't have released Remus' wrist for anything.

"Rem?" Sirius looked back at him when they reached the bottom of the stairs. "You know how you asked about if I dreamed about you last night or not?"

Remus, who was starting at James mopping in a puddle like half the common room, looked back and nodded. "Yes. What about it?"

"I did dream of you," he told him, smiling. "I always dream about you."

_

* * *

_

Hello lovelys!! Today is a special day indeed!! Can any of you guess why??

I'll give you a hint: Check the published date.

That's right: IT'S LAPSE'S SECOND BIRTHDAY!!

Celebration time!! -dances and presents a large cake- If you review you get a slice. ;3

And speaking of reviews and the ones who write them, since this is a special day, I'm gonna reply the reviewers!! Yaaay!

x-x

_**5redroses --**_ Aye! Remus did get his wish -- in this chapter and the last! I figured I ought to be nice to him now, while I have the chance. ;)

_**rekahneko --**_As you can see, he did remember! Little Remus would never forget something as sweet as that -- would you? (I wouldn't, but, then again, I'm a dork! XD)

_**MagicalWinry --**_ I DID! (you're welcome)

_**HermyCaz --**_ I'm glad you love the story; it made me glad when I read your review! And look! It's only been a couple days! ;3 But it felt like a year over here, let me tell you!

_**BLAHBLOT -- **_I think I love you too! -hugs- Your review made me blush and so happy that I didn't give up on this story. And do I really give them life? You have no idea how great of a complement that is. I always fear that they will seem…I don't know how describe it…like their just words. So I try really hard to make them each have their own personalities and souls -- like an good author, I want you guys to live with my characters (though I don't own any of these!).

x-x

Thank you all for reviewing! I love each and every one of you and I dedicate this chapter to you!! Also, to the reviews of this chapter, I give this to you as a present: tell me something you want to happen in the story, and I'll see if I can add it in for you, alright? (But please make it sensible! If I get an request that is utter nonsense, I will ignore it. Cool?)

And I'm doing all this just to make you guys happy, not because I'm running out of ideas. -thrusts finger at a notebook- Last summer I wrote a detailed, five-page plot that I still plan on using, so this story will go on for a little while!! :3

Happy reading, I hope to hear some luscious ideas!!

Forever and always,  
Ele.


	11. In the bath

Getting to the prefect bathroom had been a relatively easy task; albeit the couple did have a run in with Rachel Manson that Remus could have lived without.

They were turning a corner, talking quietly about the lack of luck James seemed to be having with Lily, when they saw her. She was walking with a friend, a Hufflepuff fourth year, chatting away about something. She didn't even acknowledge them until her friend looked over and rose an eyebrow, apparently tickled at the shirtless way Sirius paraded himself around the halls (though, not _entirely _shirtless…Lily had thrown another towel at him before they made it out into the hall, going on about the lack of decency _some people _had).

Rachel's eyebrows rose as well and she turned her eyes to Remus first, and then slid past him to melt over Sirius. Remus noticed her step falter, but she just tossed her hair over her shoulder and stuck her nose a little higher in the air as the groups passed each other.

That was it. No love proclamation. No turning into a hopeless, stuttering fool when Sirius was in hearing distance. No…_nothing_ except a flurry of giggles from the friend. Rachel seemed to be ignoring them both; perhaps, even, the smitten girl too. Remus couldn't tell -- he picked up his pace, striding with purpose instead of idly walking so the chance _to_ notice was getting further and further behind him.

Sirius wasn't paying attention, too caught up in what he was saying, and he absentmindedly matched his steps with Remus'.

"--I mean, you've noticed it too, right Moony," he asked, snapping his fingers in Remus' ear. "Oi! Pay attention, wouldja?"

Remus turned his head, looking away from Rachel and the other girl, and slid a smile into place. Practice really did make perfect -- or, rather, practice made the illusion believable. He didn't understand it, but the way Rachel just brushed them off like that bothered him…_a lot._

Sirius, who had resisted in even holding hands with Remus so far, swung his arm around his shoulders and grinned, giving Remus a little shake. "Still with me?"

"Of course." An automatic answer… He needed to think of something else to say when it was obvious he hadn't paid a lick of attention. "Why would I ignore you?"

Sirius shrugged; the towel around his shoulders slipped and dove to the floor. Remus snapped his hand out and grabbed it before it could reach its destination. For some reason, this only made Sirius' grin widen. He even started laughing.

Remus tilted his head, blinking his gorgeous amber eyes in confusion. Why on Earth was catching a towel so humorous? He glanced down at his hand, blanching.

His hand was nearly touching Sirius' crotch, hanging warily, warily close.

He stammered, returning his arm back to his side (where, he promised himself, it would stay) as his face got as red as the towel.

"I-I'm sorry! I…I wasn't thinking -- who would have thought…I mean, you can't blame -- I wasn't _trying_ to…ya'know…_grab _anything, e-except the-the towel…" With each word, Remus could feel the humiliation growing, watered by his mortification. He dropped his eyes to the floor, unable to look Sirius in the face. But by that time, they were already at the portal.

"_Firewhiskey_," Remus muttered, the password opening the painting up instantly. Sirius had to pull him through or he was sure he would have remained rooted to the spot.

Only when the passage shut and Sirius' laughing subdued, did Remus dare to even glance up.

Sirius was brushing mirthful tears from the corner of his eyes with his free hand. His face showed a mixture of good humor and pain (from laughing too much) and Remus found that his heart fluttered at the sight. Again, that sly charm of attraction pulled his heartstrings -- how could a man be so handsome, no matter what emotion play across that beautiful face?

Remus wiggled out of Sirius' hold, taking a step back from him when he reached out to grab his arm.

"You're not…leaving, are you," Sirius asked, a bit breathless. Remus shook his head immediately, his chest aching at Sirius' tone.

"Of course not," he said, his jaw clenching at the phrase. "No, I…just need to brush my teeth. Morning breath and all."

He could feel Sirius' look without seeing it, but brushed past him all the same, heading towards one of the many sinks. Half-way there, he realized he didn't have toothpaste…or even a toothbrush. He draped his clean robes across the sink with a sigh, feeling much like a fool.

It was obvious now that Remus had lied and it made him feel sick. Why couldn't he just laugh off his embarrassment like Sirius could? Why did he have to lie and make himself look more pratish? Why couldn't he just act _normally_ for one second in his life?

_Because…you are the furthest thing from normal, Remus._

He lifted his eyes to the mirror, watching as the reflection frowned.

_Just look at yourself -- can't you see you scars?_

He could. Three particularly nasty, deep ones welted down the curve of his cheek; more, still, lay hidden under the second skin of his cloak.

_Those weren't created from anything that could share the name of Normality. And take a glance behind you, at that boy who's stolen your heart…_

He did. Sirius had his back turned, fiddling with the numerous knobs and faucets. He twisted one of the knobs and it caused many of the valves to shot out red, blue, and green liquids -- bubble bath.

_That isn't normal either. Lads fall for lasses, not other lads. And just think back, at the family you used to have. You don't have them anymore, do you?_

He didn't. Remus had been an orphan since a young age, forced to live with a distant aunt in a house that reeked of sour milk. But he'd managed; he lived like it was no big deal. Just another…not really a set-back, but a minor bump in his life.

Being gay was just another bump, slightly bigger than the first, but easy to step over.

But…being a werewolf…that erected a mountain, not an easily conquered bump. This part about him, this…other half that slept most of the time, made Remus' insides knot and twist.

He knew, no matter how much he loved someone, that he could never be with them. No matter how much his heart fluttered and skipped, he couldn't give it to Sirius. It was too much of a risk. _He_ was too much of a risk.

Remus couldn't ignore that fact for long. He could have fleeting moments of happiness and times where he could _pretend_ he was normal…but that was it. The sun would always set on his good days; nights always followed and forced him to remember what he really was.

He was a blood-thirsty creature, born from shadows and terror. He was a walking nightmare. Could anyone be so blind as to miss that?

The reflection in the mirror looked sullen as all this churned and settled in Remus' mind-- was that the expression he allowed on his face? He bit the inside of his cheek so he would see pain painted there instead.

Dwelling, he realized with a start, he was dwelling on all the bad things and not thinking of the good. Light had the habit of conquering shadows; he just needed to find his source.

He found it faster than he expected, though it presented itself in the form he knew it would.

Strong arms, which had known their share of pain too, wrapped around his waist, squeezing as hard as they felt comfortable with. Something firm and warm pressed on to his back and a second face appeared in the mirror besides his, wearing a smile.

Remus fought an urge to push Sirius away. He felt stalking back to the common room to actually _think_ everything through would be the best course of action -- Sirius' lips pressed against his neck, making his whole body feel hot and suddenly weak. Whatever he had been thinking disappeared and he could focus on nothing except keeping himself from sinking to the floor.

"Moony, Moony, Moony…" A whispered chant that brushed against his skin with each syllable; he shivered.

"Sirius…" What else had he wanted to say? The name alone was almost enough to steal the rest of the air from his lungs.

Feather-soft kisses traveled up his neck, pausing at his cheek to give each scar it's own kiss, before reaching the corner of his mouth. Remus watched in the mirror as Sirius grew frustrated at their position, lips twitching back in a slight frown as he tried to reach the full of Remus' lips without moving. But he couldn't, and both were upset about it.

Though, the lack of contact gave back Remus some of his wit and he reached down to tug at Sirius' hands.

He muttered a single word ("Bath.") and was whisked there instantly by those strong arms. He didn't notice that he lost his clothing along the way but the sting of hot water made him realize it with a momentary grimace.

"Ouch," he hissed; Sirius nuzzled his cheek in apology.

Sitting down, the water only rose to the middle of his chest -- he expected it to be deeper. But, that could have been because he mistook the mountain of bubbles to be a measure of depth - the more bubbles there were, the greater amount of water there had to be underneath. Sirius, sly and clever as he was, still hadn't mastered the waterworks of this particular bathroom.

A teasing thought came to his mind and Remus opened his mouth to give it voice…he didn't even get the first word out before Sirius crushed his lips against his and pressed him up against the tub wall.

Their first kiss had been sweet, soft…innocent and the ones following after were the same, if not meeker. And the kisses leading up to this were only sparks off a flame that burned, untamed, in Sirius' heart.

It was scalding, completely surprising…a fire that had been fed and fed and fed until it could no longer be controlled.

Remus couldn't be certain, but with the desperate, heated way Sirius kissed him now, he gathered that Sirius had waited for this moment for a long, long time. It was probably a dream come true…

"_I always dream of you_."

A dream that he had kept on dreaming for as long as Remus could guess. And who was he to deny him his happiness?

Remus reached up and dug his fingers into Sirius' back, trying to pull him closer. They were almost touching as it was, but that suddenly wasn't enough. He _needed_ to feel that toned body quivering against his own. But he didn't get what he wanted, in fact, he got something he didn't want at all.

Sirius broke the kiss.

Remus felt as if he'd broken something much more -- it hurt, not being connected anymore. He looked up, scanning Sirius' face for a reason why, but the curtain of his ebony hair hid his face.

He heard him panting though, and felt the movement upset the water, and knew he was doing the same. Without the kiss to distract him, Remus could feel the sharp pain in his lungs. How long had they gone without air and why had it seemed some unimportant to breathe at the time?

It seemed like a small era passed before Sirius moved his hair back from his face with a single, shaking hand. He seemed angry and upset; Remus didn't understand.

"Sirius," he was shocked at how his voice sounded. It was thick, as if his throat was closing up. Why was that? An after effect of not breathing for so long? "Sirius, what's the matter?"

Muttering something Remus didn't catch, Sirius cupped his cheek and ran his thumb over those three scars. The touch was gentle, kind…not even warm compared to the previous inferno. Remus could only blink his eyes in further confusion.

"I'm going to fast," Sirius said again, louder this time, his hand dropping back in to the water. "It was just yesterday, wasn't it?"

"What?" Remus plunged one of his hands underneath the bubbles and caught Sirius'. He laced their fingers together. "What was just yesterday?"

"The first time I kissed you." Remus blinked again -- why did that matter? Sirius shook his head, furious at himself. "No…that's not what I mean…Last night was the first night of…_us_. Does that make sense?"

He seemed to be having a hard time thinking of the right things to say, but Remus understood what he meant. Or, he thought he did.

"It does," he reassured him, trying to sooth away some of that frustration. "But you don't have to worry. I'm rather enjoying myself." He gave him a smile. Some of the anger faded away.

But not entirely.

Remus squeezed his hand to comfort him.

"But I wanted to…I was about to," he frowned and had to look away from him, "I was about to have my way with you and it was murder trying to stop."

Remus' eyebrows rose. "Oh." He mentally swore at himself for not being able to say anything more, but his tongue felt heavy as lead. Plus, how could he explain that he had been expecting it to go that far and had no intention of them stopping?

Sirius shook his hand free of Remus' (which, again, hurt) but leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

"This may sound silly and completely un-Sirius like, but I want to take this relationship slow. I want this to be perfect…can you blame me for that?" When he asked like that, who could deny Sirius Black anything?

"You are just being silly, Padfoot," he said the nickname in hopes of lightening the mood further -- it worked, Sirius smiled at his second name. "You know I could never blame you for anything. And I want this to be perfect too. I…" _want this to last as long as it can_, is what he wanted to say, but it got caught it his throat.

Sirius mistook it as shyness and patted his hand. "Then we'll make it perfect. Together."

"Together," Remus agreed, ignoring the little voice in his head that told him it could never work.

* * *

-stares at the computer screen- I'm tired…it's 8:24 am and I haven't been to sleep yet (I wake up at 4 every afternoon)…so, this is gonna be swift and sweet, cools?

Bathroom scene, as requested. Probably not as smutty as you asked for, but I couldn't bring Sirius to just…_do it_…with Remus so fast. I mean, they just got together a few chapters ago. -shrug- Ah, well…you'll get that later on… ;3 promise, it was in the original plot.

Yeah, Remus thinks too much, he just needs to stop. But, he's human most the time, and humans dwell on things no matter what their told. You do it too, so don't go flamin' my Remus, kay? I swear he'll eventually get over his fears, but that's in a later, rather angsty, chapter.

Anyway… -yawns- review. Make me happy. I haven't fallen back into my 'wait-a-year-between-chapters' habit, so horray!

More to come sooon. Though, you might have to give me a week or two. I'm writing something for a friend of mine as a surprise for when he gets back from Georgia, so I'll be working on that for a while.

But, if I get bored of that or stuck on it, I'll frolic over here and post another chapter.

See you soon

Love you all,

Ele. (Night.)

P.S. -- …I said this was going to be short…why the hell is it so long? -collapses on bed-


	12. Detention Woes

Feeling more dirty than _clean_ -- which really didn't make any sense after spending so long in the bath, idly watching the bubbles drift and eventually disappear on top the water, with Sirius behind him, drawing tiny circles on his bare back to ease the tension from his muscles -- Remus at last shrugged on his clean robes, a half-smile raising his lips. He teased his hair in afterthought as he turned away from the mirror, in front of which he had been standing.

Sirius sat at the edge of the tub, watching as the last remaining litters of colored bathwater gurgled down the drain. He wore only the slacks he sported earlier (the towel Lily had thrown at him rested on his head, looking rather silly as it almost made Sirius look as if he had red hair) because he had brought no extra clothes and was far too lazy to conjure some up. Remus had asked Sirius if he wanted him to do it, but the boy just shook his head.

"This is fine," he'd said, winking at the tiniest of flushes that painted Remus' cheeks. "I know you like what you see, so why should I cover it up?"

Maybe that could explain why Remus felt so filthy. What Sirius said _had_ sent a flurry of mental images through his mind -- some of them were not so innocent, much to his vexation.

"Sirius." The boy's eyes were on him in an instant, warm and inquiring. He stood, graceful in manner, almost like a dancer.

"Yes?"

Remus gestured to the door. "Time for us to leave. We've been in here far too long."

Sirius made a face, thinking. "Nah, Moony, it's only been--what?--an hour or so?"

"Two," he corrected, confirming it by checking his wristwatch for the fourth time since he clambered out of the tub. "Professor McGonagall will have a fit if we're late for detention…"

Groaning, Sirius walked to where Remus stood. He grabbed the other's wrist, twisted it a bit, and glared at the polished surface of the antique watch.

"It's only ten," he muttered, dropping Remus's arm. "When's detention start?"

"I haven't a clue," Remus admitted, frowning. "But, it's best if we stay in the common room until we're sought out."

Sirius couldn't argue with that, but that certainly didn't stop him from complaining.

"Oh, what a waste," he exclaimed, pouting in a rather childish manner. Sirius Black _did not_ like it when his weekends were ruined. "What a fucking waste of a perfect Sunday afternoon!"

Remus ignored his language and began walking towards the door. "It's still morning, Pads," he teased, smiling wryly.

"Doesn't matter what time it is _now_," the pup went on, following Remus with long, quick strides, "when we're _in_ detention, it'll be the afternoon. And don't tell me McGonagall will have the grace to wait till tomorrow."

Remus shrugged, pushing open the portal door and stepping aside for Sirius to go through first. Sirius obeyed, but grabbed Remus's hand, much to the latters' surprise.

Sirius's head appeared out from the shadows of the doorway, grinning like a lunatic. "Hey, question Moons."

Remus raised an eyebrow and tried to appear nonchalant. "What?"

"Before we drag our sorry asses back to the common room," his grin turned into a smirk in a snap, "can I sneak another kiss out of you?"

Blushing, Remus didn't answer. He couldn't find his voice -- it fled in his nervous delight. Unable to say anything, he nodded weakly. Sirius stepped out of the shade, enveloped Remus in his arms and planted his mouth over his.

Kissing back more for the pleasure of Sirius than himself (though no one could deny that a spark of joy burned in his chest), Remus wrapped his own arms around Sirius's naked shoulders and waited for it to end.

* * *

"You blokes went to the baths, _together_," James snapped indigently when the pups returned to an empty common room fifteen minutes later. "The hell were you two _thinking_?"

James was seated on the largest couch next to the fireplace, arms folded over his chest and face taut in a serious mask; Peter sat in a chair in front of him, hand still hovering over the chess piece he was about to beckon into moving for him. At least Peter's smile held some sort of welcoming.

Sirius snorted and threw his towel at him as Remus quickly untied the knot of their hands. They'd mistaken by thinking everyone would have ventured down to breakfast an hour ago; they should have known James and Peter better than that.

James caught the towel with the polish of a true seeker and flicked it accidentally at Peter, who half-yelped in surprise and managed not only to fumble as he tried to catch the soaking cloth, but also to send a number of the chess pieces flying. The tiny, marble knights, pawns and Peter's queen glared up at him from the crimson carpet and shook their stone fists at him. He dropped the towel behind his chair and made to pick up the pieces, getting pinched as punishment for knocking them down in the first place.

Remus was sure he was the only one to notice the little display, as Sirius's stare was still fixed on James and James was still glaring at Sirius, and went over to help Peter while the other two bickered. Peter smiled in thanks and softly apologized, both to the pieces and to Remus.

"It's alright," Remus soothed, smiling gently as Sirius, now standing next to James's seat, said rather snappishly, "What were we _thinking_, Jamie boy? Why, nothing at all! What's with that nasty tone, huh?"

Remus and Peter sighed. James stood up, frowning.

"Nasty tone, have I?" This time James snorted. Sirius looked displeased. "Let me tell you, while you and Rem were snogging in the baths--" Remus's face turned the same color red the carpet was dyed; Peter laughed nervously at the sudden (but no less _correct_) accusation. "--McGonagall came parading in here asking where you two were! You better be grateful that I lied for you guys and said you two went to the Owlery, sending off a letter to my mum about a book you left at my house!"

"Why, _thank you_, James," Sirius replied sarcastically, but with less of an annoyed edge. Speaking as a brother would to his brother, he asked, "What did that hag want anyway?"

Just like that, the awkward and heavy air vanished, and James took off his angry mask, replacing it with a thin smile.

"Detention, mate, remember?"

"Why were you all given detention," Peter piped up. Sirius waved a hand at him.

To Peter: "Hold on, Pete." To James: "Of course, but it's not _right now_, is it?"

"Obviously not. She did tell me what we all had to do though," James said sullenly.

During this small exchange, Remus hurriedly gave Peter a brief explanation of what had transpired the night before ("We were caught running around in the forest," he said; Peter looked like he wanted to ask question, but wasn't allowed the chance).

"And that is…" Sirius drawled out the last word, curious.

James's eyes glinted -- Sirius raised an eyebrow, understanding before Remus caught on.

"No. _No_," the werewolf said, standing up abruptly, "Professor McGonagall wouldn't -- she wouldn't _dare_ give us that as punishment!"

Peter looked confused. "What…?"

"'Fraid so," James said, sighing. "Quote: '_What you three did was a serious and foolish thing that could have killed you all! You're lucky _this_ is what you have to do; you could've been expelled!!'_"

"Damnit! I _hate_ doing that!" Sirius growled as he plopped himself down on the couch, James following in suit. "Damnit, damnit, damnit!!"

Remus held out a hand for Peter and helped him to his feet. "We have to clean out the stalls in -- what? -- _every_ bathroom--" (James nodded; Sirius let out another chorus of fowl language) "--in the entire school without magic. It's the worst punishment McGonagall dishes out."

Peter, stricken, let out a feeble squeak. It sounded dreadful, positively, excruciatingly, _dreadful_.

"I've heard rumors that it'll take all damn day," Sirius groaned, and, finding the news suddenly tiring, he dropped his head into his laced hands. "_Fuck_!"

"Sirius, hush." Patting his back in reassurance, Remus sat down on the empty cushion next to him. "We'll make it through…"

"Not if I drown myself in a toilet first," Sirius cried out despairingly as he flung his arms around Remus's middle and pressed his cheek into his shoulder. "Don't save me if I try to commit suicide, promise?"

James placed a firm hand on Sirius's shoulder and, with the smallest of grimaces, said, "We'll make sure it's swift, mate."

Peter whined, almost as if he was already attending Sirius's premature funeral. He fell back into his chair, absentmindedly dropping the chess pieces back on top the table. His large, blue eyes shone with empathy.

"Stop being silly, _all of you_." Remus, the only one who seemed to have kept his head level, addressed everyone in the room with his statement. They all looked at him as if _he _was the one acting silly.

With another tentative pat, Remus started to pry Sirius off his mid-drift, who only clung harder. "Let go, Sirius. You need to get dressed anyway."

"Nooo," he moaned, "Let me wallow in despair for a moment longer! Please, darling?"

Maybe it was the surprise of being called such a thing as _'darling'_ or the fact that it had been sprung up so suddenly, but, whichever it was, it distracted Remus enough to pause him in his actions for a fair share of moments. Peter took the free, quiet moment to ask them a question.

"So, you two are…_together_?" His tone wasn't sarcastic, merely intrigued. "James wouldn't tell me any details, saying it was a breach of privacy."

Remus blanched at the question, but Sirius, blotting upright, just grinned in a happy-sort-of-way. He was the one who answered Peter's innocent question, and thank Merlin for that. Remus had misplaced his voice again.

"Yup, me and Moony are a thing now," he said merrily, mirth ringing in every word. "A true couple! Thank Merlin's balls for that, eh, James? You were probably sick of me talking about him none stop over the summers."

James pushed his glasses up his nose, grinning just as wide as Sirius was.

"What do _you_ think, Sirius, brother?" He let out a short, but not a mocking, laugh. "Oi! You wouldn't shut up about Remus long enough to eat or sleep! Always, _Remus_ this and _Remus_ that -- you were obsessed, mate."

"Really?" Remus and Peter both asked at the same time. This took Sirius and James aback and they glanced at each other to make sure they hadn't heard the same thing.

"Well, yeah," Sirius said, feeling awkward; Remus almost chuckled at his shift in moods, but caught it and held it back. "I mean, your something to talk about, Remus. You may not know it, but you're rather…erm…_adorable_."

The color burned back onto his cheeks, and Remus had to look down at the floor. Adorable? _Him_? Nonsense…

James full out laughed. "Oh, Lord, Padfoot! You said a lot more than that!! What were some of the favorites, eh?" He furrowed his brow in thought. "Oh! I remember -- you used to talk about how his eyes were the loveliest shade of amber you had ever seen! What did they remind you of again?" Sirius threw him a dangerous look. "Molten honey, was it?"

"James -- _shut up_!" Sirius warned. A faint pink color dusted the edges of Sirius's high cheekbones. Was he blushing?

"And your arse, Moony…He used to talk about it like it was the most perfect thing he's ever seen!"

Sirius snapped; he lunged at James and smacked his hands over his mouth.

"I said shut up, you git!" Then, in lower tones, he added, "What kind of brother does that?! You're _betraying _me!!"

Peter shifted awkwardly in his chair -- he didn't like hearing talk about Remus's arse, which, as a matter of fact, Remus didn't find all too amusing either. It was mortifying.

James, managing to weasel out a single hand from underneath Sirius's body, pulled the latter's hand off long enough to say, "Well, mate, wouldn't matter if I told him now or later. Remember? You're offing yourself during detention!"

* * *

More of a silly chapter for today's update. I missed writing funny and cute scenes. That's all.

…Okay, okay. Caught me -- I missed James and Peter! I haven't written a chapter with little Peter in it in a while…figured we needed to see 'im.

So, you wanna know why I've been gone longer than two weeks, eh? Well, here's the scoop.

The thing I started out for a friend was a big hit -- everyone I let read it, loved it. I figured, well, if it's that damn good, I should just write a book.

And that's what I'm doing.

What do you all think? I think I've developed a style (sorta…) and I honestly believe that if I write a book, it would be published. I _could_ just be an idiot, though.

I'm also writing a short story to send into _Realms of Fantasy_, to see if they'll publish it. But, again, what do you all think?

Reckon I have a chance of being an author? Would you guys, my loyal and inspiring fan base, read my book if I get the chance to have one?

: ) If you're awesome, would you answer those questions in your review? I love you all!! -hugs-

Hm, I'm in a busy mood -- so, six reviews in three days and I'll post up the next chapter two days (I usually laze about instead of writing -- it only takes me a few hours to write a chapter) after that, kay? ; ) Surprise me by your love.

Cheers and best wishes,

Ele.


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